YYH: Happy Christmas!
by Shadow Jaganshi
Summary: Shadow decides to decorate for Christmas and have a big party! 'Tis the fic that was ignored for a year! (Complete)
1. It's Christmas Time!

**CHAPTER ONE**

It's Christmas Time

"What in the name of God are you doing, baka woman?!" Hiei asked, horrified. "What the heck are you bringing a tree into the house for?!"

"It's a Christmas tree!" Shadow replied.

"So?!"

"Do you even know what Christmas is?"

"Nope. Fill me in," Hiei said, clueless. A little cartoony looking boy with a round head and a blue blanket popped in.

"I can tell you what Christmas is all about, Charlie Brown," the little cartoon said.

"GET OUT OF MY HOUSE, YOU NON-ANIME THUMB-SUCKER!!!" Shadow screamed, kicking the round-headed cartoon boy out the open window.

"What the hell was that?" Hiei asked.

"Um... Never mind. Okay, Christmas is a human holiday to celebrate the birth of Jesus, though only really religious people actually think of it as that. Most people think of it as a day they get off school or work, they get presents, gather with family and friends, get a lot of food, sing Christmas carols, and have their houses all decorated up all pretty-like with lights and a tree and mistletoe and garland and other such shiny things!" Shadow explained. Hiei raised an eyebrow.

"And the point of it is...?"

"Like I said, you're supposed to celebrate the birth of Jesus!"

"Who the hell is Jesus?"

"Some guy. He's the Son of God, but like I also said, only really religious people care about that. Do I look religious to you?!"

"No," Hiei said, without the slightest second of hesitation.

"Exactly. I just decided that this year I should decorate for Christmas! The first decorated Christmas in this house. You want to help decorate?"

"Not really."

"Why not? It's fun!"

"I don't do 'fun' very well. Haven't you figured that out yet?"

"Fine! Buzz off. But I might need your help with the lights or something later."

"Right." Hiei walked away.

Shadow had big plans for Christmas. She was going to have a party, and there would be presents, and food, and she was going to decorate the house so it glowed and blinded anybody who looked at it, and planes tried to land in her backyard, and terrorists thought her house was a worthy bombing target, and...

She looked at the calendar. December first. She had plenty of time to decorate! Especially if she managed to drag Hiei down to help her. Or maybe Kurama would help. Or Eclipse. Sure! She had plenty of friends who could become her Christmas decorating slaves for a week.

Woohoo for Christmas decorating slaves!

Laughing to herself, Shadow continued wrapping strings of lights around the tree. Next came the shiny gold garland, then those thin strips of silver shiny stuff, and then the shiny colored spheres. After all the decorations were on, Shadow climbed up and put the shiny star at the top of the tree.

"SHINY!!!" she screamed, plugging in the lights. They reflected off all the shiny decorations, making the tree nearly impossible to look at.

"OH MY GOD! I'M BLIND!"

Shadow spun around. Eclipse stood in the doorway batting insanely at her eyes like it hurt to look at the tree. Kurama stood behind her.

"Hello, Shadow. Don't you think you went a bit overboard with the shininess?" he asked, squinting. Shadow unplugged the lights.

"Maybe just a bit, but you haven't even seen the beginning of it."

"Uh... Shadow, just because it's your first officially celebrated Christmas, that doesn't mean you have to got completely hog-wild with decorations," Kurama said.

"Yes, well duh! But I want to. I want planes to land in my back yard!"

"You mean the back yard with the forest of heads on sticks?"

"Yea-- Hey! Shut up about that! Those people deserved it!"

"Sure they did!"

"Crazy fan girls harassing poor lil' Hiei like that! Yes, they deserved it!"

"What about the men's heads I saw out there? Surely Hiei doesn't have insane fan _guys?"_

"Heck no! Those were the fags I gathered up by dressing as a hooker."

Kurama's jaw dropped.

"And when did you do _that?!_"

"What does it matter? Sorry you missed it?"

"SHADOW WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING WALKING AROUND DRESSED AS A HOOKER? YOU'LL MAKE HIEI JEALOUS!" Eclipse screamed. Shadow's jaw dropped.

"And what is _that_ supposed to mean?!"

"Absolutely nothing!" Hiei said coldly from behind them. "What the hell are you guys doing here?"

"Visiting. Got a problem with it?" Kurama asked. "Are you aware that this girl here murders your insane fan girls, and then prances around dressed in a skimpy outfit just to gather men to behead?"

"Yes. It was on the news," Hiei said, shrugging. "They're still searching for her."

Eclipse and Kurama got eyes the size of dinner saucers, and their jaws dropped. Shadow stood there smiling innocently.

"You're kidding!?" 

"See, Hiei isn't jealous or he would have said something before now."

"Christmas is supposed to be a joyful time! Do you have any idea how many people will be miserable because of your heartless cruelty?!" Kurama asked.

"Oh, honestly Kurama, what good are emotional lectures going to do to her? She has no heart. She's worse than me!" Hiei said dryly.

"And besides, what are you trying to get me to do? Turn myself in and tell them what I did to the bodies?" Shadow said in disbelief. "Those bodies are all mangles, weighted, and thrown in the river with waterproofed suicide notes lodged in their rib cages! What good would it do for the families to find that?!"

"You are a sick, heartless girl," Kurama said.

"YOU ARE DISSING ME! Honestly, use your brain, you genius! If they actually intended to sleep with a hooker, they must be really crappy family men, or they have no family at all! So it doesn't matter! At least I didn't go out and murder every man I saw!"

"True."

"So I have more intelligence then anyone gives me credit for. Anyway, I'm going to decorate the outside of the house. If anyone wants to help--" Shadow said, but everybody was gone so fast it was like somebody had frozen time and plucked them away, then restarted time. "FINE, GO AHEAD AND DITCH ME LIKE THAT!"

She sulked off to decorate.


	2. Wahoo!

Hey everyone! I was going to apologize for something, I think… Something about the last chapter, but I can't remember. So I'll just say this: If there was anything in that chapter that you found offensive, I'm sorry.

Or maybe it was just that I was going to tell you something. Well… Let's just say this entire story is going to be a bit strange. Yeah. Just a bit. Um… Dang. Now there was something else… Oh yeah! I'd like to thank everybody who reviewed. I'd hug you, but it'd probably just scare you away, and that would make me lose some readers, which is something that I can't have happen. Anyway, this chapter is a bit strange, more than a bit random, and has caused myself and my best friend (Eclipse's real life double… sorta…) about 400 different obsessions and ways to freak out my other friends.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

**CHAPTER TWO**

Wahoo!!!

Woohoo for Christmas!

Shadow looked at her calendar. It was December 24.

"IT'S CHRISTMAS EVE!" she yelled to Hiei, who was in the next room. "MORNING! SO THAT MEANS EVERYBODY IS COMING OVER TODAY!!!"

"Why don't you have a Christmas party on Christmas?"

"Because. Now shut up and get to work."

"Work? Doing what?"

"Polish all the shiny spheres on the tree."

"In. Your. DREAMS! There's got to be fifty on there!"

"Yeah. Polish them."

"No."

"Fine, they'll just look all icky and unshiny when everybody gets here."

"Fine."

"Fine."

"Fine."

"Fine."

"Fine."

"Fine."

"Hn."

"Hn?"

"No comment."

"Why not?"

"Because I said no comment, so I have no comment. Is it against the law not to comment?"

"It is in this house."

"Shadow, get a life. Go answer the door."

"But the doorbell didn't ring!"

"Answer it anyway!"

"Fine!"

Shadow walked to the door and opened it.

"Jaganshi residence! Can I help you?"

Nobody was there but snow.

"Well, you're quite a rude fellow. Fine. Screw off! Never come back or I'll feed you to the weasels!" Shadow slammed the door in the nobody's face.

"You shouldn't be so rude to the poor people who come to the door, Shadow. You'll get us a bad reputation."

"What? He didn't answer me! He just stood there staring at me like I was nuts! It's so not friendly! So I was rude right back! And since when did you care about your reputation?"

"Never. I was just saying..."

"Well don't."

"Fine! But if people start thinking we're the evil Mr. and Mrs. Scrooge, it's not going to be my fault!" Hiei snapped.

The doorbell rang. For real, it did!

"HIEI! ANSWER THE DOOR!" Shadow yelled. "YOU'RE SO WORRIED I'LL BE RUDE TO WHOEVER IS THERE, SO YOU ANSWER IT THIS TIME!"

"FINE!" Hiei went to the door and opened it. A group of people stood there.

"Carolers!" they shouted.

"WE'RE NOT GIVING YOU ANY MONEY!" Hiei yelled, slamming the door and causing a cascade of snow to fall off the roof onto their heads.

"Holy god, and you think _I'm_ rude? When I answered the door, there wasn't a whole big group of carolers there!" Shadow said. "And I waited for the guy to be rude to me first. I'm not just rude to people for no reason!"

"Well fine, whatever."

The doorbell rang again. Shadow opened it. A little girl, all bundled up with a coat and mittens and a hat and boots and snow pants, was standing there with her mother or similar adult guardian.

"BLOODY HELL! A SMALL CHILD!!!" Shadow screamed, jumping backwards and hiding behind Hiei. "KEEP IT AWAY! THEY CARRY GERMS!!!"

"Excuse me, but our car broke down and--" the woman started. Hiei sighed.

"We're not giving you any money!" he said coldly, slamming the door in her face.

"WELL FINE, MISTER SCROOGE!" the woman yelled. "WHY DON'T YOU JUST GO COUNT YOUR COINS!"

"I WILL! IT'S MORE ENTERTAINING THAN TALKING TO YOU AND YOUR GERM-CARRYING CHILD!" Hiei screamed through the door.

"YEAH, WELL I HOPE THE GHOST OF CHRISTMAS PAST KILLS YOU! I BET YOUR CHRISTMAS PAST IS REALLY CRAPPY ANYWAY!!!"

"YEAH, RIGHT! I WOULDN'T KNOW! I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW WHAT CHRISTMAS _WAS UNTIL A COUPLE WEEKS AGO!!!"_

"THAT'S A LIE!"

"NO IT'S NOT! I LIVED A VERY ISOLATED LIFE!"

"Hiei, stop talking to the lady with the germ factory!" Shadow hissed.

"YEAH, RIGHT! LIKE I'LL BELIEVE THAT!"

"SCREW OFF, HAG!" Shadow screamed.

"WELL! YOU INSOLENT CHILD!"

There was a second voice outside the door, saying something to the woman. Shadow looked out the window.

"KURAMA!!!" she screamed, opening the door and grabbing his wrist. "You didn't touch the small child, did you?"

"No..."

"Good! They carry germs, you know!" Shadow said, dragging Kurama in the door. "Merry Christmas, happy New Year, oh, the joy is just flooding out of this house, you know what I mean?!"

Hiei had continued screaming at the woman outside the door. Kurama looked at his friend skeptically.

"Yeah, it's just so joyful. Hiei! Leave the woman alone!"

"Tell her to get away from my house!"

Kurama went to the door, said something quietly to the woman, and she turned and left so fast she slipped on a patch of ice and nearly broke her neck when she fell.

"That was cool. Thank you," Shadow said. "That kid's germs are probably still floating around out there. Be afraid. I can't open the door for a while..."

"What is it with you and germs, suddenly?" Hiei asked.

"I'm at war!"

"Oh. Congratulations."

"It's great, isn't it?"

"No. Being at war means I might have to get close to them, and I can't have that. I'll get sick."

"Oh no."

"Yeah, it's awful."

"I bet."

"Shut up, Hiei, I bet you've never gotten sick in your life!"

"No... There was this one time I was really sick... I--"

"Shut up! I don't care! Sickness has to do with germs! That's why I'm at war!"

"Shadow, shut up. Get a life," Kurama muttered.

"I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU JUST SAID THAT!"

"I can," Hiei said. "Jackass."

"Am not."

"Yeah right."

"STOP ARGUING, FOR GOD'S SAKE!" Shadow yelled.

"Fine!"

"Eat some cookies. There's plenty," she said, pointing to the kitchen. One wall was stacked from the floor to the ceiling with cookie cans. "Wahoo for cookies!"

"Jeez, Shadow, where'd you get all those?" Kurama asked.

"I made them, duh," she replied, opening a can and stuffing her face with chocolate chip cookies.

"She really did," Hiei said. "It took her like... a week and a half. She did nothing but sit in here baking cookies and mixing up cookies and cutting cookies and she had me stand there and put them in cans as they got finished."

"Nuts."

The doorbell rang.

"Hiei! Answer that!" Shadow ordered, throwing cookie crumbs at him.

"You're cleaning that up, you know."

"It's Eclipse," Kurama said, looking out the window. Shadow jumped up, cookie ready, and opened the door.

"HAVE A COOKIE!" she shouted, ramming the cookie into Eclipse's mouth.

"Mmph! Gag hack choke! COOKIES!!!"

"Wahoo for cookies!"

"COOKIES!!!"

"WAHOO!!!"

"COOKIES!!!"

"WAHOO!!!"

"COOKIES!!!"

"WAH-- You wanna come in? You're letting out the heat," Shadow said abruptly. Eclipse walked inside.

"WAHOO! It's warm in here!"

"No kidding!"

"Hello, Kurama! Here, take my coat!" Eclipse ordered, thrusting her leather coat at Kurama. He still hadn't taken off his own coat. He grabbed Eclipse's and promptly handed it to Hiei, who handed it to Shadow.

"Wahoo! Eclipse's coat! I bet I can find a use for this!"

"HEY!" Eclipse grabbed the coat back and stomped away to hang it up.

"You know, I never can get used to how those two act together," Kurama muttered. 

"No kidding. She's even more insane than normal when Eclipse is around," Hiei said.

"Is that possible?"

"Yes. It's scary."

"Hey, I _am_ standing right here, you know," Shadow said. "It might be hard to believe, but I am."

"Yeah. Hi."

"SHADOW, WHAT THE HECK IS UP WITH THIS?!" Eclipse yelled from the living room. "YOU WENT A BIT OVERBOARD!!!"

Shadow walked towards the living room with Kurama and Hiei on her trail. They looked around.

The room was over-decorated. No. Over-decorated is an understatement.

There were lights around every edge on the walls, garland around the lights, every hard flat surface had at least one candle on it, there were miniature Christmas trees, wreaths, poinsettias, holly, and... OH MY GOD! Mistletoe! 

Little figurines of snowmen and reindeer stood around wearing Santa hats. Fake snow lined the room and covered bits of furniture and windowsills. Also, on every hard flat surface was a little bowl full of candies. 

There was one candle in each window.

"That... is definitely a fire hazard," Kurama said. 

"Yeah, no kidding! Fire demon plus 800 candles equals NO NO NO NO NO!!!" Eclipse said, pointing at Hiei and a nearby candle. "And five plus two equals fish."

"He's not going to do anything but maybe light them," Shadow said. "Hiei's an innocent little guy, I don't see why you all think he's going to blow up this house. He lives in it too, you know."

"INNOCENT? Innocent my foot!" Eclipse yelled. "You just say that because you like him!"

"Like like how?"

"Like like love like, that's what like!"

"I DON'T LOVE HIM!"

"Bull crap."

"Yeah, I know. You're full of it."

"What? Me? Am not! You are!"

"Eclipse, if I loved Hiei, would I do this?!" Shadow asked. She punched Hiei.

"Ow!"

"Maybe," Eclipse said skeptically. 

"Guys, would you not fight over Hiei anymore?" Kurama asked. "Seriously. It's very annoying."

"Jealous much?" Hiei asked.

"Shut up, Jaganshi, or I'll knock your teeth out," Kurama threatened. "I don't need to be jealous."

"Oh yeah, you're the slut of the Makai."

"HEY! THAT'S INNAPROPRIATE LANGUAGE, YOUNG MAN! WASH OUT YOUR MOUTH WITH SOAP!" Shadow yelled. "Besides, this isn't the Makai."

"IT'S CHRISTMAS EVE! STOP FIGHTING!" Eclipse yelled.

"She started it!" Shadow said, pointing at Eclipse. Everybody sweatdropped. Shadow suddenly stopped and ran into the kitchen.

"COOKIES!!!" she screamed. Everybody sweatdropped again. The doorbell rang.

"I'll get it!" Eclipse yelled. She grabbed a cup off the table and ran to the door.

"What's the cup for?" Hiei asked. Kurama shrugged.

Eclipse opened the door. Yusuke and Keiko stood there. 

"Penny for the poor?" Eclipse asked, holding out the cup.

"BEGGAR! OUT OF MY HOUSE!" Shadow screamed, kicking her friend out the door. She slid off the porch and fell in a 4-foot-deep snow drift. "Hey Keiko, Yusuke... Want to come in? You're letting out the cold. I mean... letting out the warmth."

Yusuke and Keiko walked in. Eclipse tried to follow, but Shadow slammed the door in her face. She fell over backwards.

"Want a cookie? Or a chocolate? Or a candle? Want me to take your coat? Cold? Warm? Hot? Freezing? Tired? Happy? Want some hot chocolate? I got you all presents, but you can't have them until everyone is here. Want a chocolate? Want a cookie? How about a candle? Here, I'll take your coat. Want me to take your coat?" Shadow asked, shaking Yusuke's hand like she just met him. The doorbell rang.

"WHO IS IT?!"

"CAROLERS!" came Eclipse's voice.

"NOT INTERESTED!"

"I'll take your coats," Shadow offered, taking their coats. She turned around and handed them to Hiei. "Go hang those up."

Hiei grabbed the coats and sulked away, muttering something that sounded like 'slave driver' under his breath. Before Shadow could come back with anything, the doorbell rang again.

"Who is it?" Shadow asked.

"Fire department!"

"Wrong address!"

"Police!"

"I didn't do it!"

"Phone company!"

"I didn't call you!"

"Probably because your phones are out!"

"Nope. Try again!"

"Electric company! There was a report that your brain short circuited."

"Impossible! I don't have a brain!"

"Health department!"

"Yeah, you do your job so well! Do you know how many people in this world are sick!?"

"FBI!"

"Freaking Blotto Imbeciles?"

"CIA!"

"Caring Idiotic Animals?"

"ASPCA!" 

"America's Stupidest People Can't Assist?"

"ASAP!"

"Anal Spaceprobes Are Perfect?"

There was a long pause.

"... Meals on wheels!"

"Meals _under_ wheels!"

"Jehovah's Witnesses!"

Shadow pulled the door open and slammed Eclipse in the head with a baseball bat, then closed the door again.

"Suckers!" she shouted.

There was a pause, then suddenly the door flew open.

"It's unlocked! SUCKERS!" Eclipse yelled, walking inside. "I think I have pneumonia now."

"BLOODY HELL! GERMS!"

"Shadow, get a life," Hiei said, closing the door.

"Um... Guys?" Keiko said nervously.

"MAKE YERSELVZ AT HOME, HOMIES!!!" Shadow yelled, slapping Yusuke on the back.

"Homies?" Yusuke asked.

"Thas woot I sayed!"

"You sound really lame, Shadow."

"SHUTUP, EARTHLING!!! I WILL CALL MY ARMY OF MURDEROUS REINFORCED TITANIUM ALIEN INVADER SPOONS TO MURDER YOU!!!"

"Spoons?"

"Wahoo for murderous reinforced titanium alien invader spoons!"

"Wahoo for loony bins and paddy wagons!"

"Shut up, Hiei!"

"Fneh."

"You mean hn."

"No. I mean fneh."

"Whatever."

"So... What have you got to eat?" Yusuke asked. Shadow's eyes got big.

"COOKIES!!! WAHOO FOR COOKIES!"

"WOO COOKIES!" Eclipse shouted. The two girls ran into the kitchen.

"CHEESE!" Shadow screamed for apparently no reason, since there was no cheese in the kitchen.

"DOES NOT GO GOOD WITH FISH!" Eclipse added for apparently no reason, since nobody had said anything about fish.

"It doesn't? I wouldn't know. I don't eat fish."

"Well it doesn't."

"Wahoo for cheese not going with fish."

"Wahoo."

"Wahoo!"

"Wahoo."

"Wahoo!"

"Wahoo."

"Poosh!"

"Poosh?"

"Poosh!"

"Wahoo for poosh."

"Wahoo!"

"Wahoo."

"Wahoo!"

Everybody was staring at them. The girls didn't even notice. They continued with their wahoos and pooshes, pointing to random objects and saying 'wahoo for [insert random object]'. Finally, Hiei got sick of it.

"SHUT UP!" he yelled.

"Wahoo for shut up!" Shadow said.

"Wahoo!"

"Toaster! Wahoo for toasters!"

"Wahoo!"

"Wahoo!"

"Wahoo for cookie cans!"

"WAH- COOKIES! WAHOO FOR COOKIES!"

"SHUT UP ALREADY!" Hiei screamed. "SHUT UP AND EAT A COOKIE!" He grabbed Shadow by her ponytail and stuffed about three cookies into her mouth. He did the same to Eclipse. Both of them sat there trying to chew, but their mouths were stuck. Eventually, they managed to get their faces back to normal.

Just in time to answer the door again!

"I'LL GET IT!!!" Shadow yelled. She leapt in front of the door and glared at Kurama, who had been reaching for the knob.

"MY DOOR! BUZZ OFF, FOX BOY!" she yelled. She turned around, occasionally shooting angry looks over her shoulder, and pulled open the door. Kuwabara and Shizuru stood there.

"Hey, Shadow!" Kuwabara said. Shadow was cowered down. She glanced back over her shoulder.

"Come in... At your own risk..." she whispered. "People in this house try to answer the door..."

Kuwabara and his sister stared at Shadow like she was insane. Then again, wouldn't you stare at somebody funny if she answered the door glaring at people and saying they tried to answer the door, like it's a horrible and inhuman thing to do?

"Yeah... Can we come in? It's cold out here," Kuwabara said. Shadow smiled and went back to normal.

"Oh, sure! Come right in! Wahoo for coming in!" she said. Eclipse echoed.

"Wahoo!"

"Kuwabara! Be afraid! It's horrible! They're... They're... _WAHOO-ING!!!" Yusuke shouted, like that was a horrible and inhuman thing to do too. _

"Um... Are you sure this is a Christmas party?" Kuwabara asked.

Let the insanity begin... I mean... it already has, but it will continue... Next chapter. Who knows, it might even get worse. The horror. Told you it would be strange.


	3. Party!

This chapter includes insanity... Drunkenness... and Youko Kurama. Have fun (I know I had fun writing it! Muwaha.).

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

**CHAPTER THREE**

Party!

(Wahoo for Parties!)

"HAPPY CHRISTMAS! MERRY NEW YEAR!" Shadow yelled. "Shut the door, you're letting out the snow. In the snow. Out the heat. Whatever. You know what I mean, even if I don't."

"Are you drunk, Shadow?" Shizuru asked.

"WAHOO FOR GETTING DRUNK!" Shadow shouted happily. She suddenly lost all emotions from her face and said matter-of-factly, "No, I'm not. But I could get drunk if you want. There's beer in the fridge. Or eggnog. Whatever the hell that shit is. I'm underage. I wonder how it got there then...?"

She paused, thinking. "I think Hiei put it there. He comes home and gets drunk and abuses his children."

"Hiei hasn't got any children..." Eclipse whispered to Shadow. "Unless you're keeping secrets from me." Shadow's thoughtful look was replaced with a clueless look.

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"Oh good. Then we're okay," Eclipse said.

"EGGNOG!!!" Shizuru yelled from the kitchen. "AND COOKIES!"

"Wahoo for getting drunk?" Eclipse asked.

"That's right! Wahoo for getting drunk," Shizuru said, carrying a bottle of eggnog and a can of cookies into the living room. She plopped down on the couch and started drinking and eating cookies.

"Well, Shizuru's starting early," Yusuke muttered. "You know, Kuwabara, your sister and my mom would get along great."

"That's nice," Kuwabara said dryly.

"Yeah, Kuwabara and a rock might get along great too, but I'm afraid the rock will be emotionally scarred for life," Shadow said sadly.

"Oh, the horror," Hiei said dryly. "I'd like Kuwabara's face to meet a baseball bat, but I'm afraid the bat would break and he'd be unharmed."

"Damn. Yeah, that'd suck," Shadow muttered. 

"Everyone's here! LET'S PARTAY!" Yusuke yelled.

"WAHOO FOR PARTAYS!!!" Shadow and Eclipse yelled, waving flags and throwing confetti. They ran outside and slammed the door behind them.

"What the..." Kurama started, but the doorbell rang, cutting him off. Hiei opened the door.

"CAROLER!!!" Shadow and Eclipse yelled. Hiei stared.

"Er? Er... ERS! CAROL_ERS_!!!" they corrected after a second. Hiei started to shut the door in their faces, but Shadow stuck her foot in the way and pushed the door back open.

"DASHING THROUGH THE SNOW, WITH A PAIR OF RUSTY SKIS, OVER THE HILLS WE GO, CRASHING INTO TREES! I THINK I'M ALMOST DEAD, THE SNOW IS TURNING RED, I'M RUSHING TO THE HOSPITAL WITH BRANCHES IN MY HEAD!!!" the two girls sang, so loud half the world must have heard.

"Wahoo for red snow!!!" Shadow added. With a disgusted snort, Hiei closed the door and locked it.

For five minutes, Shadow and Eclipse pounded on the door, screaming bloody murder so loud the entire world had to have heard it.

Finally, Eclipse got sick of pounding and screaming and looked for another way in. She noticed the open window. 

Who the hell keeps their windows open in December? Oh well. Shadow must.

After Eclipse got herself through the window, she walked to the door to open it. As soon as her hand touched the knob, the door flew open, slamming her in the head.

"I have the KEYS!!!" Shadow yelled, holding up her house key to show everyone. She looked at the floor, where Eclipse was lying with swirly eyes.

"Good going, Shadow," Hiei said dryly.

"Holy hell, how'd you get in here, Eclipse?!" Shadow asked.

Eclipse had enough time to mutter, "Window..." before Shadow jerked her into a standing position and slapped her across the face.

"WAKIE WAKIE, SLEEPY HEAD!!!" she screamed, repeatedly slapping Eclipse.

"Partay?" Yusuke asked. Shadow heard him and dropped Eclipse to the ground, still swirly eyed.

"PARTAY!!!" Shadow screamed, hitting 'play' on a stereo. Heavy metal Christmas carols started playing so loud everybody went deaf. Then Hiei hit stop and everybody miraculously got their hearing back!

"Heavy metal Christmas?" Hiei questioned, holding up a CD case. Shadow nodded.

"Yuppers!"

"Right. I'm going to skip this party."

"No you're not."

"Watch me," Hiei said coldly. Shadow tackled him.

"Nope! You're going to stay down here and eat cookies and open presents and drink eggnog!" she said cheerfully, sitting on top of him.

"I don't drink alco--"

"YA DO NOW!" Shadow yelled, shoving a bottle in his mouth and tipping it. He nearly choked, but managed not to. Shadow took the bottle back and promptly got sprayed in the face with eggnog.

"I said I don't drink, and you can't make me drink!" Hiei snapped. Shadow reached in her pocket and pulled out a handkerchief. She wiped off her face and stuck the cloth in Hiei's mouth.

"Sucker!" she snapped, standing up. He quickly pulled the cloth out of his mouth and jumped up.

"Ew!"

"WAHOO FOR EGGNOG! NOW DRINK IT!" Shadow yelled, thrusting the bottle into Hiei's hand. He stood there staring at it.

"Why do you want me to get drunk?" he asked.

"Because... I don't know. Wahoo for getting drunk?" Shadow answered.

"Get Kurama drunk!" Hiei snapped, handing the bottle to Kurama.

"No! I can't have alcohol, you know that! I lose control of Youko... Besides, I'm underage too."

"No! Kurama, you are forbidden from drinking eggnog. If Youko shows up, I won't have enough time to take down all the mistletoe before he gets to me," Shadow said, horrified.

"Well who the heck knows what Hiei will be like if he gets drunk!" Kurama snapped. "He might get worse than Youko!"

"Drunk Youkos are forbidden from this house."

"Drunk Youko? Youko can hold his liquor. I can't," Kurama said.

"At least you admit it," Hiei said.

"DRINKING CONTEST!" Shizuru announced from the living room. She stood up, walked up to Yusuke, and grabbed his wrist.

"Sis! No! Yusuke is underage! I think you need to go home!" Kuwabara said. "Shadow, this is all your fault!" 

"What? My fault? If you're going to blame me, your host, then you can buzz off and never come back! Go on! Get out! Out!" she snapped.

"Aw, c'mon, bro, I jus' wanna haf a little fun!" Shizuru said, hiccupping. "Be a good sport!"

"But..."

"Oh, honestly, Kuwabara. Let her have her eggnog! We can control her!" Shadow said, holding a baseball bat behind her back. Kuwabara looked at the girl skeptically. 

"I doubt it."

"SHUT UP! I SAID I CAN CONTROL HER, NOW YOU JUST SHUT UP BEFORE I KNOCK YOUR TEETH OUT TOO!" Shadow screamed, waving the bat around insanely. She hit Kurama and Hiei in the head before Eclipse managed to stop her...

...by hitting her in the head.

"Bloody hell, child!" Shadow cursed, rubbing her head.

"Shut up, Shadow. Get a life," Eclipse said.

"Fine! Be that way! All of you! Get drunk! That's what that crap's in there for! See if I care! Kurama! Get drunk! Hiei! Get drunk! Shadow! Get drunk! Okay! Hey! No drinking! Shut up, you can't stop me! Wanna bet? Yes I d--" Shadow stopped, noticing the stares she was getting from her friends. "Hi!"

"Shadow, talking to yourself isn't healthy," Hiei said.

"No, it's only unhealthy if you answer yourself."

"You _were_ answering yourself."

"...Oh. Was I really?"

"Yeah."

"Oops."

"GET DRUNK, GET HAPPY!" Shizuru yelled, tackling Kurama and dumping half a bottle of eggnog down his throat before anyone could stop her.

"Of course, of all the people, she has to pick Kurama!" Shadow complained, holding Shizuru back by one of her arms.

"Are you all right?" Yusuke asked, helping Kurama up.

"Oh, yeah. Just peachy," he muttered. "I don't think it was enough to effect me that bad, so don't worry, Shadow."

"Oh good. Cuz if you go and get drunk, something bad is going to happen."

"Yeah. It's called attack of the Youko. Don't worry, Shadow. If Kurama transforms, I'm sure Hiei will keep Youko away. _Won't he_?" Eclipse threatened.

"What? Keep that nut fox away from Shadow!? You're insane!" Hiei said.

"Oh gee thanks, Hiei," Shadow said sarcastically. "You're really encouraging."

"Sor-_ry," he said, "but it's true. Once that fox has got his sights set on somebody, the only way to stop him is to chain him up and throw him in a reinforced titanium room with no exit!"_

"Uh... If it had no exit, how would you get him in there?" Eclipse asked.

"Well, it's got an entrance, but not an exit. Duh," Shadow answered.

"That's impossible."

"Since when, and who told you?"

"Since forever, and _God_ told me. It's against the laws of nature," Eclipse answered sarcastically.

"When did you talk to God?!" Shadow asked, amazed.

"Shadow, there's this amazing thing called sarcasm."

"Wussat?"

"Uh... Never mind..."

"Anyway... LET'S PARTAY!!!" Yusuke yelled. He hit play on the stereo, blasting the heavy metal Christmas carols again. Everybody went deaf. He started dancing. Shizuru seemed overjoyed to see somebody else doing something other than talking, and she joined him. Shadow hid under the coffee table muttering to herself.

After an hour or so, Keiko told Shadow she had to leave, for some reason or another. There were now only seven people at the party. Not really worth it, especially since it was only 2 o'clock in the afternoon. See, Shadow hadn't planned on the party starting until around five, or even as late as seven.

But... Yusuke and Shizuru just had to go and start at noon. 

By dark, everybody had had at least one bottle of eggnog. Shadow, not being one to drink alcohol very often, lay down and fell asleep on the couch. Eclipse was on the floor playing solitaire or something, occasionally yelling at the face cards for making fun of her.

When Shadow woke up, she found herself in her own bed, in her room. There was somebody beside her. She could tell, since that somebody was resting his head on her shoulder, and his hand on her... uh... chest. 

This was all too familiar. She opened her eyes.

"YOUKO KURAMA! YOU... YOU... AGH!!!" She jumped up.

Youko opened his eyes, looking up at her with a small smile on his face.

"Hello, Shadow. Happy to see me?"

Shadow let out a string of curses and strange noises as she stormed out of her room. She came back a second later.

"Get out of my bed, fox!"

She stomped away again. Youko got up and followed her downstairs, smiling.

When Shadow got into the living room, she stopped dead, letting out a squeak or horror, since her throat had closed up and she couldn't scream. If she could have screamed, she would have screamed so loud the entire hemisphere would have heard her. 

The room was a mess. Hiei was either asleep or drunk and passed out on the couch. '_He looks really cute when he's asleep,' Shadow thought absently. She mentally slapped herself and went back to being horrified._

Eclipse was sitting with Kuwabara singing and rocking back and forth. Yusuke and Shizuru were dancing, drunk.

"Yeah, it's a mess, isn't it?" Youko said, coming up behind Shadow. She spun around furiously.

"And YOU! YOU! What the hell did you think you were doing when you went and got in my bed with me?! How'd I end up in my bed anyway? Was it you, fox? Because if it was, I swear to God I am going to murder you!"

"Aw, you wouldn't do that! I'm the only one here who is still sober," Youko teased.

"You're not sober, because if you were, then you wouldn't be here!"

"What? No, I'm sober. Shuuichi is the one who is drunk. That's why I'm here."

"Why couldn't you just let him lie around like any normal drunk person? Why'd you have to go and take over just cause he's too weak to control you? Leave me alone! Stop looking at me like that! Ahh!" Shadow turned around and walked away again, cursing. She dragged Hiei off the couch and took his place. Youko followed her over and stood behind the couch, watching her.

"GO AWAY!"

"Why?"

"Because! I'm having a mental breakdown!"

"What?"

"I'm not sure whether I'm laughing or crying! I don't know whether I'm freaking out about this or if I want to get drunk and party. I want to go home, but I already am home! This is so screwed up! It couldn't get any worse, I swear to God!"

Just then, the door burst open.

"FREEZE!"

Two police officers stood there, aiming guns at anything that moved. That included the goldfish in the tank nearby, which had been decorated for Christmas just the same as everything else. The fish even had a Christmas tree.

"Forget what I said. It just got worse," Shadow muttered, standing up beside Youko.

"You're all under arrest! Anything you say can and will be used against you in the court of law!" one officer shouted.

"Shit," Shadow whispered.

"What was that?!" the officer snapped, pointing his gun at Shadow.

"You want a candy cane?"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Told you it was insane!  Review if you liked it. People are doing better with reviews. I got quite a few. And anywho, everybody seemed to like the Shadow/Youko deal in 'Separation Situation' and they all wanted a sequel with 'more Shadow x Youko fluff,' so I decided to put Shadow/Youko "fluff" in this one a bit. It's not the sequel, but it's still got Youko in it.


	4. Prison

**CHAPTER FOUR**

Prison

"This is so lame! I can't believe we're stuck in jail on Christmas Eve!" Shadow whined, pacing the cell. They were in a huge community cell with about twelve other people. Hiei was sitting on the floor and leaning against the bars on the door. He rubbed his temples.

"Don't worry, Shadow... Look at all the people in here. They can't keep all of us. We'll be out in no time, I'm sure," he said quietly, sounding kind of sick.

"Are you all right?" she asked. Hiei shrugged.

"About as all right as I can be after drinking so much eggnog I lost count of how many bottles it was..."

A little man, fidgety and shifty-eyed, and seriously little... shorter than Hiei... was walking around Shadow and Hiei, inspecting their clothes, especially any bits of jewelry or shiny metal he could find on them. Shadow turned around to pace the other way and nearly ran into the little man.

"WATCH WHERE YOU'RE GOING!" she yelled. Hiei groaned. The little man fell over backwards. 

"You better watch it, boy!" he said in a scared voice.

"Boy? I'm a girl, I'll have you know!"

"I hold your life in my hand--"

"... No you don't," Shadow said, confused.

"-- And I can crush you just like THAT!"

"Um... No you can't."

"And when I'm through with you, your drunken friend will be next!"

"Hiei? Um. No, he won't."

"And after him, the police! Then, the president of the United States!"

"What's the U.S. got to do with _us?_"

"And after I take over America, the greatest free country in the world, I will make it the greatest unfree country in the world!"

"Hey! You're in _Japan_, little dude! In PRISON in Japan. I don't think you're going to get to America anytime in the near future," Shadow informed the man.

"Oh, no worries there. I'll get out, and when I do, THE WORLD IS MINE! Give me all your shiny stuff."

"What?"

"Your shiny stuff! The earring, the necklace, the ring, your belt buckle, the snap and zipper on your pants--"

"HELLO! I AM NOT WEARING AN EARRING, A NECKLACE, OR A RING, AND YOU ARE SURE AS HELL NOT GOING TO GET ME TO DROP MY PANTS, SO YOU'D BEST GO IN A CORNER AND SCREW YOURSELF!" Shadow screamed, sending the little man spinning backwards. Hiei groaned again.

"Shadow, please. I have a horrible headache..." he said.

"Sorry, Hiei! Do you want me to kiss it and make it all better?" Shadow asked, imitating a tone like she was talking to a baby. She sat down and wrapped her arms around Hiei, pulling him close. "Pooooor baybee!"

"Oh, for God's sake!" he complained, pushing her away.

"Shadow?!"

Eclipse staggered over to Shadow and sat down.

"Hello, Eclipse. Feeling like a living person yet? Decided to join us on Earth rather than la-la-land where we talk to cards and sing with Kuwabara?" Shadow asked. Eclipse squinted.

"Uh... I have no clue what you mean."

"You were drunk. You _are_ drunk. You drank lots of alcoholic beverages. You were lucky. You did not wake up with a perverted fox in your bed with you with his hand on your--"

"I'm gonna yack!" Eclipse interrupted. She turned away from Shadow and Hiei and threw up all over the little man with the world domination plans that somehow involved stealing people's pants zippers and belt buckles and taking over America. The man burst into tears.

"Oh, boo-hoo!" Shadow yelled. The little guy went into convulsions. Shadow tried desperately to get further away from the little puke-covered guy, but she was already against the bars. 

"I think... he's dying," Hiei said dryly.

"Eeew!"

"Hey, officer!" Hiei screamed to a nearby policeman. The guy turned and looked at him. "We've got a problem! You better get over here!"

The officer ran over and opened the door, dragging out the little guy.

Nobody ever saw him again. Perhaps that's for the best, since he was planning  on taking over America...

"Soo... how are we gonna get out of here?" Shadow asked.

"Hecked if I know. I wonder if it's past midnight yet," Hiei replied. Shadow shrugged, looking for a clock.

"I dunno. Why?"

"Cuz after midnight, if we're still in here, then it would classify as us being in prison on Christmas. Oh well. ... I wonder where Youko ended up? They took him separate."

"Pyeh! Like I care. I hope they're injuring him severely. He deserves it," Shadow said bitterly. Eclipse wandered over to Kuwabara, grabbed his sleeve, and wiped her mouth on it (she was just yacking, remember...). The boy didn't even seem to notice. He was still drunk.

Technically, Eclipse was still drunk too, but she was recovering. So was Hiei. Shadow had recovered by passing out on the couch hours and hours ago. Yusuke and Shizuru were still singing drunkenly, horribly off-key, but just about everybody else in the room was drunk too, so they didn't notice.

"OI, GUARD!" Shadow yelled. A guard looked at her and pointed to himself.

"Me?"

"Sure, why the hell not. Come over here."

The man shrugged and walked to their cell.

"What is it?" he asked.

"How or when can we get out of here?" Shadow asked.

"Bail, or community service... But I think they might let you out once you're sober, too," the man said.

"I'm sober! I wasn't even drunk when they arrested me!"

"They have to test your blood alcohol level to confirm that."

"Well then! Bring somebody over here who is qualified to do that, and I want my blood tested!" Shadow demanded.

"There'll be no need for that," came a voice. A door across the office opened, and in walked none other than Koenma. Shadow stared at him like he was God. Which... I guess in a way he is... Anyway...

"Who are you?" the guard asked. As Koenma crossed the room, Hiei dragged himself to his feet, using the bars as support.

"I am the mighty Koenma!"

"Uh... huh," the guard said, thinking along the lines of 'this guy is nuts'.

"Koenma, shut up," Hiei muttered.

"Hiei, I took time out of my very busy schedule to get all you guys out of this prison, but if you're gonna be like that, I can just as easily leave!" Koenma said, spinning on his heel and starting to walk away.

"Wait! He didn't mean it, for serious! He's sorry! Come back here!" Shadow whined. Koenma stopped.

"I want to hear him apologize."

"He's sorry. I said that already..."

"I want to hear _him_ apologize," Koenma said, deciding to bend Hiei's pride a bit. Just for the heck of it, since even if Hiei didn't apologize, Koenma would get them out - he wasn't about to leave his spirit detectives (especially Hiei, not because he's a spirit detective, but because he's... Hiei...) in a _ningen's prison for who-knows-how-long._

"Oh, honestly, is that really necessary?" Hiei asked.

"Yes."

"Fine. Sorry. Now get us out of here, for Gods sakes."

"Guard, I suggest you get your boss so I can talk to him. I need certain prisoners to be freed..." Koenma said.

"The boss is busy."

"What with? Too busy to talk about getting some of these obnoxious prisoners off his hands?"

"Hey, I resent--"

"Shut up, Shadow," Hiei snapped before Shadow could cause more trouble.

"He's... _questioning_ that weirdo that came in with these guys," the guard said, gesturing to Shadow and Hiei.

"Youko," Shadow said, answering Koenma's unspoken question.

"_Youko?! Oh, crap... Um... What did you mean by questioning? Because from the way you said it, I'm assuming he's using an interesting form of questioning of which the dictionary printers were not previously aware," Koenma said._

"... Um..."

"Great. Well I suggest you take me to your... questioning... room. I need to talk to both Youko and your boss."

The guard was torn between obeying Koenma and loyalty to his boss. Finally, he made a decision.

"Nope. You're not my boss, and my real boss is busy right now, so he can't give me orders. So I can't listen to you, man."

"Damn you, you--"

"Hey, I suggest you listen to this guy. You'll really regret it later if you don't, cuz he is a very, very important man," Shadow said, cutting off Koenma. She, for some reason, was trying to be friendly about it.

"Yeah right. This guy's not even as old as me! And why should I obey some teenager with a pacifier?!"

Koenma was furious. He opened his mouth to say something, but stopped before a word came out, because the last person he thought he would hear come to his defense... well... came to his defense. Hiei.

"Look, you lousy guard! Just because he has a pacifier doesn't mean anything! He's older than he looks, and he could blow up this whole fucking place if he wanted to, so just listen to him, for God's sake! He's trying to be polite about this!"

Everybody was staring at Hiei, even the other prisoners. Koenma was the first to recover.

"Thank you, Hiei... Though it didn't need to be so violent, I think it got the point across very well..."

The guard was staring at Hiei, looking scared. A wet spot suddenly appeared on his pants. Shadow tried hard not to laugh at the poor guy, but she couldn't help it. She covered her mouth and nose and walked away snorting and choking to keep from laughing.

'_Never thought I'd see the day Hiei scared someone so bad they wet themself...'_

"Come with me..." the guard said, sounding scared and zoned out. He led Koenma down the hall.

"Woohoo! We might get out of here soon!" Shadow cheered. "Thanks to Hiei!" She hugged him. "Hiei, your negotiation skills are stunning."

"Yeah, yeah, whatever," he said, sitting down again.

The guard knocked at a door. Koenma waited patiently behind him. Nobody answered. After a minute, he knocked again.

Finally, the door opened. The man who had opened the door looked around, squinting to adjust to the bright light in the hallway.

"What do you want?!" he asked.

"Th... He... Y... P-p-p..." The guard tried desperately to talk, but he couldn't form any words. The boss noticed the wet spot on his pants.

"Go change your uniform!" he ordered. The guard walked away shakily. The boss finally noticed Koenma. "Who're you?"

"My name is Koenma. I'd like to speak to you about some of the prisoners brought in earlier."

Inside the room, Youko groaned. '_Koenma came down here in person. Perfect. Just perfect. God, we're never gonna hear the end of it. Especially me._'

"What do you want to talk to him for?" the boss was saying. "He's not answered any of my questions yet, and nobody else is speaking to him until he does."

"Damn. Well could you at least let out the other six?"

"Yeah, sure, why the hell not. They're just taking up my prison space anyway. Tell one of the guards you got my permission. If they have any problems, they can talk to me about it," he said.

"'Kay." Koenma walked down the hall. 

Soon, Hiei, Shadow, and Eclipse were out and standing on their own two feet, supporting one of their more unfortunate, stupider, drunken friends who weren't able to stand on their own two feet.

"So what's the deal with Youko?" Hiei asked.

"Not allowed to talk to him."

"What? Why not?"

"Cuz this boss guy is an ass."

Hiei quirked an eyebrow. "I wouldn't doubt it, but..."

"No, it's cuz Youko won't answer his questions."

"Ah."

"Yeah, so we just have to wait around here until we can get him, because I can't leave a demon like that in a public place..."

"Ah."

"Can I go talk to him?" Shadow asked suddenly.

"Shadow?! Why would you--" Hiei started.

"I told you, the guy won't letting anyone in to talk to him until he answers some of his questions," Koenma insisted.

"Oh, honestly... Where is he?" Shadow asked. Koenma pointed down the hall.

"Third door on the right," he said.

"'Kay. Here goes nothing." She looked around, not sure what to do with Shizuru, who was, at the moment, leaning heavily on Shadow for support with her arm around the girl's shoulders. She threw Shizuru at Koenma. "Hold on to her for a sec."

"What the..."

They watched as Shadow ran down the hall to the indicated door. She knocked. The door flew open.

"WHAT NOW? Oh. Who are you?" the boss said.

"Shadow. I'm a friend of his," she said, pointing inside the room to where she could see Youko.

"I suppose you want to talk to him too?"

"Um... Actually, yeah."

"Too bad." The man started to close the door. Shadow jammed her foot in the way. He glared at her. 

"Please?"

"No."

"I know how to get him to talk."

He looked at her suspiciously.

"If you're his friend, why would you want him to answer my questions? You're his friend but you're on my side?"

"So I'm a traitor. Oh well. So, whaddaya say? Can I come in?" Shadow asked. The boss thought about it for a minute.

"How can I trust you?"

"Oh, honestly, man! Do you think I'm so stupid as to allow myself to be locked in a dark room with a man who has a gun, then do something stupid to make him shoot me? I'm not that stupid!"

"You convinced me. But if you try anything, I have a gun. And if he doesn't answer any of my questions, out you go!" He stood aside to let her in. The door closed with a loud click behind her.

"He let her in!" Eclipse said, startled and happy.

"No fair!" Koenma whined. "How come?"

"Shadow is a devious little twit, that's how," Hiei answered. "She's smart."

"She's an idiot," Eclipse muttered.

"Oh? Why do you say that?"

"She'll get Youko released, then he'll be all fussing over her like, 'Oh, thank you for getting me out of that horrible place, let me reward you' or something like that, and he'll be a little perv, and she'll regret ever helping him," she explained.

"You know, come to think of it, you're very right, Eclipse... But she's smart sometimes. Like managing to get past that guy with that crock of bull she said. Like what she said about being stupid. She _would_ be stupid enough to piss off a guy with a gun. I know that from experience. Only... I had a sword. Ahem. Anyway. Now all we can do is sit here and wait for the both of them to come out, and hope we don't hear some gunshots," Hiei said. He let go of Yusuke and let him fall to the ground. Eclipse did the same with Kuwabara, and sat on the floor a few feet away. Hiei leaned on the wall. Koenma sulked. 

They waited.

Meanwhile...

"Hello, Shadow," Youko said.

"Hi," she said coldly.

"Okay, foxboy, this girl says she knows how to make you talk. So I made her a deal, which I'm sure you heard," the boss said.

"Yes, I heard it. I talk, we both leave, I don't talk, she leaves and I'm stuck here with you."

"Good. Now... Girl, what're you going to do to him?"

"Well first off, I have a name!" Shadow snapped. "And it's not _girl!"_

"Well then what is it?"

"Shadow. I'm not very pleased to meet you, but I'm meeting you all the same," she said, making a slight mock bow. The man frowned.

"Well then, _Shadow_, what are you going to do to him?"

"Second, what is your name? I don't want to call you man, or boss, because you aren't my boss. So what's your name?"

The man was getting angrier by the second. "That's... not... important!"

"'Tis to me."

"Out!"

"Fine. Have fun," Shadow said, starting towards the door.

"Wait! Damn you. My name is... er...  Mr. Yosano. My first name is none of your business," he said.

"Yah. Okay, do continue."

"Now, _Shadow_, what are you going to do to this guy to make him talk?" Yosano asked, saying each syllable slowly and clearly to make sure she understood.

"It's a secret!" Shadow chirped. She walked over and whispered something in Youko's ear. His eyes glinted. He whispered something back, so low Yosano couldn't hear, and he was only standing about five feet away. Shadow's eyes narrowed and she said something back, looking annoyed.

"Excuse me, but..." Yosano tried to interrupt. Youko laughed at whatever Shadow had said.

"I'm joking," he said, smiling. "All right, you, I'll answer five questions. Only five. That's all Shadow's deal will get out of me."

"Five?!" Shadow and Yosano exclaimed at the same time.

"Look, fox, I don't want to side with this guy, but you'll answer every question I tell you to answer!" Shadow snapped. "And the deal isn't getting and additions or changes made to it, so you'd best get a life!"

"You'll answer all the questions I ask you, not just the ones she tells you to!"

Youko blinked and flicked his ears innocently, like he hadn't even heard either of them. "Could you take off these handcuffs?"

"NO!"

"Hiretsukan..."

"Ex_cuse me?!"_

"Watch your language, fox!" Shadow snapped.

"Could you take off these handcuffs _please_?" Youko asked, trying the polite approach for once in his life. Yosano glared.

"Fine. You try anything, though, just remember I have a gun."

"Yeah, yeah, I know, you've said that about twenty times," Youko muttered, watching the man unlock the cuffs from his wrists.

"Now, will you answer my questions?" Yosano asked, peeved.

"Five of them."

"WE WENT OVER THIS ALREADY, FOX! YOU'RE PUSHING YOUR LUCK!" Shadow screamed. She yanked on his ear. Hard...

"Ow! Okay... God. Ask some stupid questions."

"State your name and age for the records."

"Records?! Damn, you ningen police don't need to record everything in your damn police files, do you?"

"Yes we do. Name and age."

Youko sighed. "My name is... um... Kuronue... um..."

"Kur-- Ooookay..." Shadow muttered.

"... Jaganshi?" Youko finished.

"What? No no no, you steal some _else's_ last name!"

"Steal?" Yosano said, confused.

"I didn't steal anyone's name! It's my name!"

"You aren't lying, are you young man?"

"Or course not!"

"Yes he is! You damn fox, I didn't make a deal with you to lie to the man!"

"You didn't specify whether I had to answer truthfully or not, and you said there'd be no changes to the deal, so I can answer however I want."

Shadow was about to come back with something, but Yosano's gun was suddenly on Youko's temple.

"You will tell the truth, or I will shoot you."

"What, you like paper work? On Christmas?" Youko said. He sighed. "Fine. My name is Youko... Kuramoto, and I'm... 25."

Shadow let out a sigh of relief when the police boss put the gun back in its holster. Sure, it wasn't exactly the whole truth, but it wasn't outrageously unbelievable either. That's all she needed.

Yosano asked a lot of other questions, most of them having to do with Youko's tail and ears. The kitsune gave the address of the local homeless shelter as his address in case the police needed to contact him. Muwaha.

As the interrogation started getting slower, coming to an end, Shadow started regretting the deal she'd made with the fox. She'd acted on impulse. Damn impulse! Of course, everything she'd said to the police boss had been an act, and how she'd acted towards Youko had been bogus too. Now she wished her deal was bogus, but the damned fox held up his end.

"Well... that's about it. I see nothing in this report that could convict you of further crimes, and I don't know what to say about the ears. Some people are just born with mutations like that sometimes... Have a very merry Christmas," the police boss said. Youko stood up. Shadow walked to the door quickly, hoping to get out and away before Youko did, but he caught up to her in the hall right outside the door.

"Running away now?" he asked, blocking her way.

"No, of course not. I'm an... er... uh... honorable person... I don't break deals. Could you at least wait until we get home, cuz this is kinda a bit public, and er..."

(Muwaha. Starting to wonder what she offered him, huh? Muwaha. Can you think of anything? I mean, seriously... Put two and two together. You get three, right? No? Then you're doing something wrong! Heh...Woo, don't know where that came from... BACK TO THE STORY.)

"Hey, you two! Let's go!" Eclipse called.

"Yes, we must be going, let's go, fox," Shadow said, walking away from him as fast as she could. She headed straight out the door, onto the street, and took off running. Youko sighed.

"So you talked, right?" Hiei said, leading the group out onto the street. "Or did she bribe the boss guy to let you go?"

"No, she bribed _me_. And now she won't hold up her end of the deal."

Hiei knew something was up. "Youko, what exactly did she offer you?"

"A kiss."

"WHAT?! Seriously? What was the deal? A kiss? Oh my God, she's lost her mind!" Eclipse said. Youko smiled.

"She said that if I answered the guy's questions, we'd kiss. Can't say I know why she said that, but I agreed..."

"Of course," Hiei muttered.

"... and gave the police officer a lot of bogus answers. Now she's not holding up her end of the deal. She ran away. Coward."

"I don't blame her. I'd be scared of you too if you acted towards me the same way you do towards her," Eclipse said.

Once they made it home... or... to Shadow's house... Yusuke, Kuwabara, and Shizuru were sealed in three separate, completely empty rooms. They would stay there until they were sober. Then Koenma turned on the group... which was only Hiei, Youko, and Eclipse. Shadow was hidden somewhere in the house.

"YOU GOT ARRESTED?! DO YOU KNOW HOW DANGEROUS THAT WAS? ESPECIALLY YOU, YOUKO KURAMA! THOSE NINGENS COULD HAVE SEEN YOU AND SENT YOU OFF TO THE GOVERNMENT, OR PUT YOU IN THE LOCAL ZOO, AND WE WOULD HAVE SO MUCH MEMORY ERASING TO DO AND NOT TO MENTION YOU PROBABLY WOULD HAVE KILLED A HUMAN OR THREE--"

"Or more..."

"--AND YOU WOULD HAVE BEEN THROWN IN REIKAI PRISON AND YOU WOULD HAVE BEEN IN SO MUCH TROUBLE AND AAAAUGHH! NEVER EVER DO IT AGAIN, OR YOU'LL BE IN PRISON! REIKAI PRISON!"

Koenma stormed out of the house. Hiei snorted laughter.

"Boo hoo. Like it really matters to us."

"Hmmm... Now where could Shadow be?" Youko muttered, walking away.

"COOKIES!" Eclipse ran into the kitchen and started gorging herself on cookies.

As you can see, Koenma just doesn't scare them very much.

The first place Youko looked was Shadow's room. Of course, all the farther he got was the door. It was locked. Obviously she was in there.

"Shadow?"

No answer.

"Oi, Shadow!"

Still no answer.

"I know you're in there, and you know you can't stay in there forever, and when you come out, I'm gonna be waiting for you. Buwaha. So why don't you make it easier on yourself?"

"Go away, you damned fox!"

"Ah! I knew it! Gonna open the door?"

"In your dreams."

"Very well." Youko knelt by the door, easily picked the lock, and opened the door. Shadow was lying on her bed.

"BLEAH! How'd you get... Oh. Oh yeah. Dammit," Shadow said, remembering (a bit too late) about Youko's lock picking and thieving and all that whatnot.

Youko smiled. He closed the door, locking it again, and walked over to Shadow's bedside. She jumped up so fast she about fell over.

"Stay away!" she said, forming a cross with her fingers.

"Shadow, why'd you make the deal if you were going to be like this about it?"

"Because I didn't think it through! I'm stupid! Duh, I think you'd realize that!"

"Well, no use thinking about it now. Regret doesn't do any good. Besides, it's not like I'm going to hurt you... It's just a kiss," Youko said soothingly. Shadow pouted, glaring at him, but she didn't move as he came around the bed and stood beside her.

"Don't try anything," she growled. "You try anything, I swear to god..."

She left the threat unfinished as Youko leaned down and kissed her. After a minute, he stopped and stepped back.

"See, you're still alive," he said, smiling. Shadow wiped her mouth on the back of her hand.

"Yeah, well that's the _only_ kiss you're getting from me. Now get out of my room, fox," she said.

"Like it?" he asked.

"What?"

"Did you like the kiss?"

"Fox! I swear to God! Get lost!" she snapped, pushing him towards the door. "I hope the next time I come out of this room, you're not around anymore. Transform back into the human." She unlocked the door, opened it, and pushed him out into the hall. The door slammed in his face.

"Well... That could have gone better," he muttered. He walked away.

The clock said it was 1:00 AM. Technically, it was now Christmas. Hiei was in his room, Shadow was in her room, Eclipse was in the guest bedroom, and everybody else was sealed in their alcohol-and-drunk-people-proof rooms. Youko was standing in the hallway outside Shadow's room. He went downstairs and fell asleep on the couch.

Sorry it took me so long to update, but I was writing other stuff. Now I'm on Christmas break! Woohoo! I know this story won't be done by Christmas, cuz this is only Chapter... uh... four? I don't even know. And today is Christmas Eve. Sooo... Oh well. I was otherwise occupied. *nods* Yes yes. See, I borrow Final Fantasy nine from my sister, who originally borrowed it (and all the other FF games) from some of her friends, so... Anyway, and plus I was working on another story and I got a request for a story and AAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! Mental overload. See, so you can understand my delay.


	5. Snowball Fight!

**A YEAR LATER... (12-19-04, last update: 12-24-03)**

I'm sorry all, but don't get your hopes too far up for the rest of this story. I personally think it's gonna suck majorly, and though you may have a different opinion, I can assure you it won't be as good as the first half. I just want to finish it because I hate having an unfinished fic up... And I'm sick of people **ASKING ME ABOUT IT!**

**THAT'S WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU GO A YEAR WITHOUT WORKING ON IT!  
START A ZILLION OTHER ONES!  
FINISH THE OTHER ONES!  
LEAVE THIS ONE ALONE!  
STUPID, STUPID AUTHORESS! DON'T DO IT AGAIN!  
I'M DISAPPOINTED IN YOU!  
SONOFABITCH!**

**CHAPTER FIVE  
**SNOWBALL FIGHT!

Shadow got up on Christmas morning around 9:30. Oh, honestly. She's fifteen, with no parents. Do you honestly think she'll make some great effort to get up early, all excited about presents?

She dragged herself down the stairs and into her living room to find Kurama, as Shuuichi Minamino, asleep on her couch. She screamed and hugged him.

"YOUKO'S GONE!"

"GOD, YOU THINK YOU COULD GIVE ME A BIT OF WARNING BEFORE YOU JUST HUG ME AND SCREAM IN MY EAR!" Kurama yelled. He attempted to sit up, but Shadow was hugging him so tightly he couldn't move, not to mention she was lying on his chest partly, so he was pinned.

"Um... Shadow? Could you... stop? I can't... really... breathe very well," he said hesitantly, poking her back. She looked up at him.

"Sure," she said cheerfully. She stood up. "Oh, merry Christmas, by the way."

"Merry Christmas," he replied once he'd caught his breath. "I have to go home."

"What?"

"Did you think I would spend Christmas with you? I do have a family."

"Do you need to be rude about it?"

"No, but--"

"Then repeat it politely."

"What?!"

"You heard me. It's Christmas. You're not to be rude on Christmas."

Kurama sighed and sat up. "Shadow, I would love to spend Christmas with you and Hiei. However, I've spent the last fifteen Christmases with my mother, and she'd be really upset if I shunned her to be with you guys. So, I must depart and return to my own home. I'll think of you both while I'm away, and will return tomorrow. Okay?"

Shadow nodded. "Acceptable."

Kurama added under his breath, "Not like she won't be upset if she finds out I got drunk and passed out on the couch here..." He stood up. "Bye. Tell Hiei merry Christmas from me."

"Okay!" the girl chirped, seeming not to have heard his 'drunk' comment. She followed Kurama to the door. He opened the door and a heap of snow fell in on top of him and he was instantly buried, not a trace of him in view. Shadow blinked down at the snow, then looked out the door. "Wow, Kurama sure can disappear fast! It's pretty cold. I think I'm gonna make some cocoa."

And she walked away, leaving the door open. Wind blew snow in, sent papers flying, and by the time Shadow returned, everything within ten feet of the door had as much as an inch of snow on it.

"Wow."

Under his snow blanket, Kurama twitched. Shadow screamed.

"SNOW MONSTERS! TWITCHY DEVILS OF THE COLD FROZEN WATER!" She poured her cocoa on Kurama. "TAKE THAT!"

"OW! SHADOW!"

"_THEY KNOW MY NAME!!!_" She threw her mug at him. It missed and shattered on the floor. Kurama stood up.

"My mother would be even more upset if I spent Christmas in a _hospital_," he snapped. Shadow glared.

"Well you deserve it for getting drunk and passing out on my couch! If you knew she'd be upset, why did you do it? You're just like any other teenager! Do you smoke weed, too? You could have overdosed and ended up DEAD on Christmas!"

Kurama stared, blank-faced. "That's a pleasant thought."

"Isn't it though?!" she said cheerfully, grinning. Kurama shook his head.

"No, actually, not at all. I'm going home now, despite the blizzard." He left. Shadow watched him vanish into the cold, windy, snowy outdoors, not caring in the least that he might get hypothermia or something.

"What the hell are you doing?" came Hiei's voice from behind her. She grinned.

"It's lovely weather, isn't it?"

Hiei let out a bark of derisive laughter, then glared. "No. It's cold. Shut the door," he said coldly. Shadow grinned at him and didn't obey. "You're stupid. Shut the door before I rip it off its hinges and beat you with it."

"Somebody has a eggnog hangover!" Shadow teased, shutting the door. Hiei turned to leave. "Hey! Look here!"

Hiei turned and received and unpleasant faceful of cold, wet snow. He let out an angry swear and wiped the snow out of his eyes. "You're gonna regret that, Shadow."

"Am I?"

"Yes. You are, Shadow. I assume you've heard the term sucker punch?"

"Yeah. But I didn't punch you. I snowballed you."

"Then it's a sucker snowball. Whatever it is... You'll regret it." He moved towards her. Her smile faltered, then vanished as he kept coming, looking angry and dead serious.

"Are you going to hurt me?"

"Perhaps."

"Um..." Shadow's hand found the door handle. "I think I'll go outside for a bit." She turned the knob, pulled open the door as she turned, and darted out into the snow. The second she'd turned, Hiei had sped up, and he was right behind her as she flew out into the cold.

The snow was knee deep on both the fire demons, but it wasn't that bad, especially since Shadow plowed through it, leaving a path for Hiei. Somebody had been by shoveling snow off sidewalks, so she made a straight path for the cleared area. However, reaching it at a dead run, she hit a patch of ice and gracelessly went spiraling out into the road. Having a bit of warning (but not much), Hiei managed to brace for the ice and keep his balance, spinning a bit as he slid out into the road after his sprawled friend.

Shadow squealed in fear and scrambled for footing as he came towards her, but she, being a bit clumsy despite being not in the least bit clumsy at the same time, ended up staying quite still on the ice. Hiei spread his feet apart and slid towards her, dropping to his knees and straddling her waist.

"Going someplace?" he asked.

"Well, I had initially planned on it, but it looks like I won't be now," she said. When Hiei just gazed at her silently, not looking in the least bit amused, she whimpered. "Don't hurt me. Are you going to hurt you me?"

Hiei grinned evilly.

"I don't like that grin. Why are you looking at me like that?"

"I'll count to five," he said.

"Five? For what? Why?"

He stood up. "Start running." She noticed that in his hands he held... snowballs.

"YOU'RE GONNA SUCKER-SNOWBALL ME!"

"You have five seconds."

She scrambled to her feet, then fell back over.

"Two seconds."

Shadow attempted to run but stayed in place, her legs flying but continuing to slip.

"Zero."

The girl turned to give Hiei a horrified look and received about three snowballs in the face. She screeched.

"COLD!"

"Now we're even," Hiei said. He leapt from the road to the yard and stood in the knee-high snow, watching Shadow's pathetic attempts to get up. After a second, he got bored and wandered to the middle of the yard, kicking snow up in front of him into a big pile.

"ARE YOU JUST GONNA LEAVE ME HERE?" she screamed.

"That was my plan, yeah," he replied, absentmindedly burrowing in the snow with his boot.

"THAT'S HEARTLESS! HAVE A HEART ON CHRISTMAS!"

"Christmas is just like any other day to me, Shadow. Why should I treat it any different just because you say its special?"

"BECAUSE!"

Hiei snorted and went inside for his cloak, ignoring Shadow's tormented screams. He stepped out on the porch as she screamed, "SNOW PLOW! SNOW PLOW! SNOW PLOW!" repeatedly. She tried to run as the vehicle sped towards her. It was pointless. But...!

Five seconds before impact, all her pathetic attempts at running finally wore the ice through completely and she managed a solid footing with one foot. Not hesitating for a split second, her instincts kicked in and she flung herself into her own yard. There was an "OOF!" as she collided with Hiei and they both tumbled into the snow. He managed to roll them both over and he pinned the girl in the snow.

"WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?" he shouted.

"I think I was saving myself from being flattened, but I could be wrong. What do you think I did?"

Hiei fumed for a second. Until a scream distracted him.

**"SNOOOOOWWWWW!!!"**

Both fire demons looked towards the house in time to see Eclipse do a cannonball off the porch into a snowdrift.

"Oh great," Hiei muttered.

Eclipse came sneaking out of the snowdrift, swimming as you would underwater... only... over snow.

Then...

She stood up...

Towering over the two fire demons lying in the snow...

She grinned.

Her eyes glowed evilly.

And she held up two snowballs.

"Let it begin."

"It?" Hiei questioned.

"SNOWBALL FIGHT!"

And the fire demons had unpleasant hunks of cold, wet snow flung into their faces. Shadow let out a strangled angry cry and thrashed wildly to get out of Hiei's pin. He stood up and glared at Eclipse. She continued smiling until his glare felt like it would melt through her skull. Then she faltered and did the first thing that came to mind.

She bent down, grabbed a handful of snow, and shoved it into his face.

"YOU--!!!"

Shadow formed about three and flung them in Eclipse's face in quick succession. Hiei fumed and made his own snowball, which he crammed down Eclipse's throat at the first chance he saw.

"Gag! hack! Ewww!"

"Quick, Hiei, you're on my team!" Shadow said, grabbing him and running. "We've gotta build up defense!" She went to a snow drift and started making it into a fort. "Make sure my fort doesn't get destroyed before I finish it, please!"

So Hiei was left to fling snowballs at Eclipse and be a demon shield for Shadow and her fort. Eclipse had no fort, and thus, when Shadow finished hers, was at a bit of a disadvantage.

"You suck!" she whined, bombarding the fort with snowballs. "I'm running out of snow!"

"Make more!" Shadow retorted. "You're the water demon, aren't you?"

"But snow isn't water!"

Hiei raised an eyebrow at Shadow. She shrugged and went about making another snowball.

"It's not my problem!" she hollered back at the girl, flinging the snowball over her fort. But Eclipse wasn't there anymore. Confused, Shadow peered over the wall of snow and screamed in horror as Eclipse burst up out of nowhere right in front of her face and started kicking the fort.

"Die, snow fort! You are not permitted to exist!"

"E-_clipse!_" Shadow whined. She hit her friend point blank with a well-packed snowball. "I _hate you!_"

"Sudden death!" Eclipse exclaimed suddenly, stomping on the remains of the snow fort. "Everyone for themself, no teams, and once you're down, you're dead! How's that sound? Terrific? Marvelous!"

The snowball bombardment began again. Only this time, Shadow targeted Eclipse, Hiei targeted them both, and Eclipse went after Shadow. So it was more or less Shadow vs. Eclipse with randomly thrown snowballs occasionally impacting their heads with enough force sometimes to knock their brains out the other side, if they'd had any brains.

Shadow flung a snowball with all the physical strength she cold muster after being out in below-freezing temperatures in a spaghetti-strap shirt (only God knows why she didn't go change). Eclipse dodged and reached down for another handful of snow when there was a thud of impact. They looked around at each other, confused, until a familiar voice reached their ears.

"Wow, like, that so totally hurt, dude..."

Shadow stared at the man who her snowball had impacted. "RANDOM SURFER DUDE!" she squealed, running to him. She slid to a stop in front of him.

"Oh, hey, like, I know you, dudette."

"Isn't it a little cold to be dressed like that?" Shadow asked, looking at his summery attire. Shorts, a tank top with a flowery short-sleeved shirt hanging open over it, sandals, and his surfboard over his shoulder.

"Isn't it, like, a little cold to be dressed like _that_, dudette?" he said, pointing.

She shrugged and looked at her hands. "My hands are kinda turning blue, but that's okay. I've been out here for the past three hours."

"Like, you mean, dressed like that? What were you like, doing?"

"Snowball fight!" Eclipse cheered, shoving a snowball down poor unsuspecting Hiei's shirt. He yelped and hit her in the head. It didn't really matter, all three of them were soaked to the bone, shivering, and starting to turn a little blue. He could easily fix that, but he, surprisingly, had decided to get into the spirit of things and not spoil the girls' fun.

"Like, that sounds pretty tubular, dudette."

"It was awesome," Eclipse agreed.

"I don't know about you, but I'm freezing my buns off," Shadow muttered, rubbing her hands together. "So what brings you here, dude?"

"I'm totally going surfing, dudette! Isn't that, like, tubular?"

"Surfing?! Isn't it a little cold?" Hiei said. Random Surfer Dude shrugged.

"Whatever the weather, man. I don't care. Surfing is like, a year-round activity, dude."

"Way to go!" Shadow said, giving him a high five. "Live life to its fullest and all that!"

"Totally, dudette. Totally. Well, I better be like, going. Have an awesome Christmas, dude and dudettes." He waved and started back down the sidewalk. Shadow returned the wave and smiled. Once he was out of sight, she stomped her foot on the ground and hugged herself.

"I'M FREEZING!"

"I'm going inside," Hiei said. He turned and left. Shadow was on his heels, leaving Eclipse standing there looking rejected. Once the door slammed shut, she bombarded it with snow.

"**WELL I HATE YOU TOO! JUST ABANDONING ME LIKE THAT! I SHOULD NEVER TALK TO YOU AGAIN!**"

Inside, Shadow was wrapping a dry, fluffy towel around herself and shuffling into the kitchen to make hot chocolate. Hiei trailed after her, ignoring Eclipse's shouts and screams and the thud of snow against the door.

They were just sitting down to drink their hot chocolate when they noticed something scary. Silence. Eclipse had stopped her shouting.

"Maybe she froze to death," Shadow suggested when Hiei pointed it out.

"Your concern is obvious to me," he muttered.

"Maybe that snow scraper came back for revenge and flattened her instead of me. We look alike, don't we?"

"Not really," Hiei said tiredly, sipping his cocoa.

"Are you tired?"

"Uh-huh."

"Well we have to exchange gifts, so you can't sleep yet!"

"Exchange gifts?"

"I assume there won't be much exchanging. You didn't get me anything, did you?"

Hiei shrugged. "Maybe."

"Maybe yes or maybe no?"

"Just maybe."

The doorbell rang before further inquiries could be made.

"Who is it?!" Shadow snapped.

"CAROLERS!" came Eclipse's voice.

"Damn," Hiei muttered. "She didn't die."

"Yeah, real pity, isn't it," the fire girl said. She got up and opened the door.

"FROSTY THE HITMAN WAS AN ANGRY DISTURBED SOUL, with a switchblade knife and a broken nose and two dead guys on his shoul-ders!" Eclipse sang. Shadow laughed, then shut the door. "Hey!"

"What?" she said, opening it again. "Did you want money or something? For singing one line of a song?"

"That was more than one line and I want LET INSIDE!"

"Lettuceide? Is that like, pesticide and stuff, only for lettuce?"

"LET. IN. SIDE."

"Letin side. Where's that?"

Eclipse fumed for a second before she flung a snowball at Shadow and hit her in the face, then just pushed past her and walked into the house. Hiei chuckled.

"I want some hot chocolate," Eclipse whined.

"Too bad!" Shadow snapped, slamming the door.

"IT'S CHRISTMAS! GET IN THE GIVING SPIRIT!"

"I'm in the spirit to give you a butt-whooping!" the other girl retorted. "You snowballed me in the face in my own home!"

Eclipse shrugged. "So?"

"So I'm not giving you your present!"

"Then you're getting coal!"

"I like coal! It's black and it burns. What more could you ask for?" (I actually said this last year to one of my friends...)

Eclipse glared for a second. Then her attention was diverted to Hiei, who came wandering out of the kitchen with a cookie can. Her eyes widened and the glare turned into a grin.

"COOKIES!"

"Eek!"

And Hiei was shortly lacking his cookies and being sat on by the girl who'd stolen them.

"Get off me!"

"Cookies!" Eclipse chirped, stuffing her face.

"Wahoo!" Shadow said, running into the kitchen and coming back out with a toppling heap of cookie cans stacked about 15 high in her arms. She flung one at Eclipse and hit her in the head, knocking her off Hiei.

"Cookies!" Eclipse cheered, oblivious to the pain as she started in on the second can.

"Wahoo!" Shadow added, sitting down and handing Hiei some cookies. "Feast!" Then she blinked. "Holy cow, yeah, I'm supposed to fix a big dinner! Gotta change!"

She got up and ran away. Hiei and Eclipse blinked at the doorway.

Upstairs, Shadow became aware of loud shouting and screaming and stopped dead. "Holy cow! They're still locked in those drunk-proof rooms! Eeeek!" She reached for one of the doorknobs and stopped. "I'll make dinner first so I have something to placate them with and perhaps they'll spare my life."

And with that she darted into her room and changed into a warmer, more festive outfit: A red sweater, a green skirt, and white boots. Frightening. And where does she come up with all these odd outfits? Where does she buy them? Nobody knows... I think they just appear... Anyway...

Then she ran down the stairs and into the kitchen, hurdling over Eclipse and Hiei, who both 'eep'-ed and cowered away. She looked at the clock.

"I have plenty of time to make Christmas dinner!" she declared, and started pulling out ingredients.

Now how can this possibly go wrong? It is, after all, supposed to be a _happy_ Christmas. I could just leave it at that. But what about the gift exchange? The people still trapped in the drunk-proof rooms upstairs? Christmas dinner? It shall be continued. If thou hath any ideas, thou shalt feel free to express them unto me.

* * *

**I narrow my eyes.  
'Drop a review and go read the next chapter.'  
The voice echoes loudly in your mind. You feel a very strong, undeniable inclination to obey the voice. A very strong inclination indeed. You are unable to defy the overpowering voice.  
'Drop a review and go read the next chapter, NOW,' the voice insists.  
You obey.**


	6. It's burning!

**(12-19) This is chapter six, kids. Make sure you read chapter five first, since I put them both up at the same time.  
Here's another short, crappy, letdown chapter.**

**CHAPTER SIX  
**IT'S BURNING!

Here's the scene. Shadow: in the kitchen making dinner. Hiei and Eclipse: sitting on the dining room floor eating Christmas cookies. Kurama: at home. Everyone else: In drunk-proof rooms on an upper floor of Shadow's house.

At least, that was the scene at the end of the last chapter. Here's the REAL scene:

"OHMIGOD I BURNED THE TURKEY!"

"You did WHAT?"

"I BURNED IT IT'S ON FIRE!"

"THEN PUT IT OUT!"

"IT'S BURNING! BUUURRRRNNNNING! FIRE, FIRE, CALL 911!!!"

"SHADOW! SHUT UP!"

"THE TURKEY IS BURNING, THE TURKEY IS BURNING! EEEEEEE!" She ran around in circles with her arms around her head. "FIRE! FIRE! FIRE!"

"SHADOW!"

"CALL 911! CALL 911! CALL 911! 'TIS A LIFE-OR-DEATH EMERGENCY! WE MUST SAVE THE TURKEY!"

"THE TURKEY IS BEYOND BEING SAVED! SAVE THE _HOUSE!_" Eclipse screamed.

"I CAN'T!" Shadow wailed.

"WHERE'S HIEI WHEN YOU NEED HIM?"

"I BAKED HIM IN A PIE!"

"YOU DID _WHAT?_"

"PIE! WITH FOUR AND TWENTY BLACKBIRDS!"

"WHAT ARE YOU COOKING BLACKBIRD PIES FOR?"

"HE TOLD ME TO!"

"HIEI?"

"NO, THE BLACKBIRD!"

"WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?!"

"I LIKE PIE!"

"WELL I LIKE YOUR HOUSE BUT IF YOU DON'T DO SOMETHING ABOUT THAT FLAMING TURKEY, YOUR HOUSE ISN'T GONNA BE HERE ANYMORE!"

"What turkey?" Shadow looked at the stove and saw the still-burning turkey, and her screams started up fresh. "OH MY GOD, THE TURKEY!" Her screaming and running in circles commenced.

**"WHAT ARE YOU LUNATICS SCREAMING ABOUT?!** And why the hell are you just sitting there letting that food burn like that?!" Hiei snapped. The fire was out in a second. Shadow stared at it in awe.

"Wow... It's God..." She grabbed Hiei's shoulders. "Please! I must know! What is the secret of the universe, God?"

Hiei slapped her across the face. "What the hell is wrong with you?"

"You said you cooked him in a pie!" Eclipse whined. Hiei's eyes widened. Then he noticed a small accumulation of empty eggnog bottles in the corner.

"What's this?!" he asked, wrenching out of Shadow's grasp and walking to the bottles. Without his support suddenly, the girl fell on her face. "Were you getting yourself drunk while making dinner?"

Shadow got up, rubbing her head. "Owie, that was uncalled for..."

Eclipse's eyes narrowed. "You burned my dinner. You will pay." She tackled Shadow and started strangling her. Hiei just stood there and watched as the brown-haired girl shook Shadow around by her neck, screaming angry things at her. He only saw it fit to step in when Shadow's eyes rolled back in her head and her tongue lolled out of her mouth like a panting dog.

"Okay, Eclipse, that's enough," he said, dragging her away from Shadow's limp body. She thrashed wildly, still screaming angry things, but now they were aimed at Hiei.

"PUT ME DOWN YOU WEIRD LITTLE FREAK! I'LL BITE OFF YOUR ARM!"

"Shut up," he said simply, dropping her out in the hall. Shadow blinked, her eyes becoming normal, and shut her mouth on her tongue. She screamed obscenities until it felt better. They watched her stand up, look around. Her face lit up as she set eyes on the charred remains of what was once an edible piece of poultry.

"Taaki!" she cheered, and grabbed it, shoving the entire thing (thermometer, pan, remains of aluminum foil, and charcoal corpse) into her mouth and swallowing. She gagged a couple times and hit her chest hard before the uh... _food_... settled into her stomach. Once she got over the gagging, she looked absolutely no worse for wear and smiled widely and stupidly.

"She just ate a pan," Eclipse said dryly. Hiei nodded and replied in an equally dry tone, "I saw."

"Why?"

"She's drunk."

"She ate a pile of ashes and a lot of bones."

"Aren't turkey bones bad for you?"

"If you're a dog..."

"She's a bitch, does that count?"

"Hiei!"

"What? She is! Sometimes."

"I dunno, then. We'll see."

Shadow was digging through the eggnog bottles now, and found one with a few drops left. She drank them and skipped away. Hiei sighed.

"So much for dinner."

"We could just continue gorging ourselves on cookies."

"Yeah, that's real healthy."

"So? They're here to be eaten, are they not?"

"They are."

"Let's go."

She grabbed him and dragged him back to the dining room to their Leaning Tower of Cookie Cans.

A few minutes later, Shadow came flying through the room and hurdled over them, slid down the hall and fell as she made an attempt to stop in front of the kitchen. She scrambled into the said room frantically and threw herself onto the stove.

"YOU STOLE MY HIEI AWAY FROM ME!"

Hiei, hearing this from his place on the floor of the dining room, raised an eyebrow at Eclipse and looked in the direction of the kitchen as there was a loud _klang_ followed by some swearing. He blinked and took a bite out of the cookie in his hand.

"I think she just kicked something," Eclipse said. She stuffed a cookie into her mouth.

"Why did she refer to me as 'her' Hiei?"

"I 'ono," Eclipse said through a mouthful of cookie. "Fee's thtewpid."

Hiei sighed and got up, eating the rest of his cookie and picking up a handful for the short trip to the kitchen. There had been several more thuds and colorful words from there in the short time it took for the three-sentence conversation between the cookie-eating occupants of the dining room floor to occur.

When he reached the doorway, he found Shadow unleashing a multitude of strange Kung Fu Ninja attacks on the stove.

"The _stove_ stole me?" he muttered to himself.

"The giant metal beast of heat-exerting danger hath stolen the small mortal demon of heat-exerting danger to strengthen its heat-exertion army of heat-exerting exertion!" Shadow cried, falling to her knees in front of the dented kitchen appliance. She sat there in silence for a while, unaware of her friend standing in the doorway watching her curiously. Finally, she looked straight forward at the oven.

"That's it! I have decided!" She stood up valiantly. "I'm goin' in! Wish me luck!"

"Going in where?" Eclipse asked from beside Hiei. Her question was answered as Shadow opened the oven door and flung herself inside like there was a tunnel inside instead of shelves and a couple pies she'd been cooking. Like it wasn't on several hundred degrees Fahrenheit. Like throwing herself into it wouldn't cause her to hit her head on the back, burn herself on hot pie filling and the shelves and walls, and get trapped inside when the door shut and her screaming and thrashing knocked it over onto its front and sealed her inside.

"HOLY HELL! DO SOMETHING!" Eclipse screamed, but Hiei was way ahead of the game.

"One happy Christmas this is," he snarled, righting the appliance and opening it to drag a severely scorched Shadow out by her smoldering arm. She screamed and thrashed wildly until she noticed that she'd just been saved by...

"AN ANGEL!"

Hiei fell over, landing with a thud on the floor. Shadow stared at him.

"Mr. Angel, my entire body hurts. Am I dead?"

"You don't feel pain in death, Shadow," Hiei muttered. "You just threw yourself into an oven, you drunken fool!"

Shadow blinked. "I did? Why would I do such a foolish thing?"

"I have absolutely no fucking idea," Hiei snarled. Shadow gasped and slapped her hand over her mouth.

"You used a naughty word. You should get your mouth washed out with soap. Angels aren't supposed to cuss."

"I'm not an angel. You need medical attention," he said flatly, dragging her out of the kitchen and into the basement infirmary. Eclipse trailed behind for lack of anything better to do, holding a can of cookies and stuffing her face with the healthy snack while she watched Hiei apply burn salve to Shadow's numerous injuries. She whimpered and looked at him with teary eyes.

"It hurts, Mr. Angel."

"I'm not an angel, you are not dead, and for the last time, be quiet!"

Yusuke suddenly showed up in the doorway, fuming, with Kuwabara and Shizuru right behind him, also fuming. They stopped dead at the sight before them. Scarcely clad Shadow sitting before Hiei, her skin burned and her eyes full of tears.

"What the _hell_ is going on here?" Yusuke cried.

"Shadow threw herself into the oven," Eclipse answered nonchalantly. The other three stared.

"...Why?"

"To save Hiei."

"What was Hiei doing in the oven?"

"He wasn't doing anything in the oven. He was in the dining room."

Yusuke stared. "Merry Christmas," he said sarcastically.

"She's drunk, Yusuke," Hiei informed him. "She burnt your Christmas feast and ate a lot of stuff she shouldn't have."

"Like what?"

"A pan, aluminum foil, the charred remains of a turkey, a thermometer, and the entire turkey skeleton. Hiei's wondering if turkey bones will effect a bitch in the same manner as they effect a dog."

"Um... Oh."

"We must have our gift exchange!" Shadow was whining. Hiei restrained her feeble attempts at getting up.

"Tomorrow," he said. "We'll have it tomorrow. Okay?"

Shadow looked dejected. "Okay, Mr. Angel."

"STOP CALLING ME THAT!"

"I'm sorry, Mr. Asshole."

Yusuke laughed. "Asshole."

"Shut up, Yusuke, or I'll stuff you in the oven and I won't let you out," Hiei threatened.

"Ah-ha! So you really did stuff her in the oven! I suspected it all along!" Kuwabara accused. Hiei glared.

"What the hell would make you think that? Why would I put Shadow in an oven, let her out, and care for her wounds?"

Kuwabara stared.

"Thanks, Hiei. We'll be going now," Shizuru said, grabbing her brother and dragging him away kicking and screaming. Yusuke chuckled.

"See you tomorrow," he said, also leaving. Eclipse watched them go, then watched Hiei work in silence. After a long time, she sighed to try to break the silence. It didn't work.

"Man, this Christmas blows," she said eventually. "I'm going home to see if I can get some leftovers."

Shadow watched her go, even more tears welling in her eyes. Rather unexpectedly, she flung her arms around Hiei and bawled.

"MY FIRST CHRISTMAS IS A GIANT FAILURE!" she wailed.

Hiei twitched a bit.

"I TRIED TO MAKE IT SO WONDERFUL AND IT TURNS OUT THAT I'M JUST A LOSER THAT NOBODY WANTS TO BE AROUND!"

The fire demon sighed. Before he could get a word out, Shadow continued.

"NOBODY CARES! I'M A DUMB, UGLY, RUN-OF-THE-MILL BITCH! THEY ALL HATE ME!"

Before she could continue after her next sob, Hiei put his arms around her.

"Calm down, Shadow."

She was startled by his actions and hiccupped slightly with her next breath, sniffled, and tried to calm down.

"You don't hate me too?" she asked. Hiei shook his head.

"None of them hate you."

"Yes they do. I can't throw a Christmas party without getting us all tossed in prison. How could they even slightly like me?"

"Because the alcohol has fuddled your brain. You have no idea what you're talking about."

Shadow pulled away and glared, sniffed, and hiccupped again. "Do you not think this Christmas sucked?"

"I think it was fine," he said. "I never even knew what Christmas was before you told me. I'm sure I've had worse. People probably tried to kill me at least one Christmas day out of all of them I've been through."

"But..."

"No. Now you're going to cheer up and go to bed after I'm through with this, aren't you?"

"I guess..."

Then Hiei did something totally unexpected. He kissed her. Just a tender, perhaps even shy, kiss on the lips, but it was a kiss.

"Merry Christmas."

* * *

Hiei just acted OOC from his initial OOC-ness for the fic. Oh well. Shadow acted OOC cuz she's drunk. Like I said, the story hath died... It sucks, doesn't it. Major letdown if you were expecting some great Christmas stuff... Too bad, I'm just trying to get something up on this story so I can say it's complete... I hate having an incomplete fic on my screen.  
Anyway, gift exchange in the next chapter, hopefully, and I need some major **FEEDBACK** on these last two chapters and some **SUGGESTIONS** for the next one. **GIVE ME SUGGESTIONS OR I'LL GO ANOTHER YEAR WITHOUT UPDATING! BECAUSE I CAN'T THINK OF ANYTHING! AND IF YOU DON'T SUGGEST SOMETHING I'LL SIC THE ANGRYSAKANA ON YOU!**

And **WHY** the hell does it like to run my words together? There's no way in hell I'm going to proofread an entire chapter just to see if stupid ff's wonderful edit thingy screwed up my fic! Bastards!


	7. Gift Exchange AND IT'S THE LAST CHAPTER!...

**(12-24-04)** Christmas Eve (just barely. 12:20 AMhere, kids). Dude, sorry, this is the **MAJORLY SUCKY last chapter of this story. Read on.**

**CHAPTER SEVEN  
**Gift Exchange

The next day, Yusuke, Kurama, Kuwabara, and Eclipse all showed up at Shadow's house around noon.

"How come you all always show up around the same time?" she asked, watching all four file inside. "It's like I called you or something."

"You did call us, Shadow," Kurama said. "Said something about a gift exchange."

"Oh, yes, that." She grinned. "Presents hath been purchased for you. All of you. Yes, even you, Kuwabara."

"Huh?"

"You can have yours now," she said, handing him a small box wrapped in shiny paper.

"Why does he get his first?" Eclipse whined.

"Because it's something useful to him," Shadow replied. "Go on, baka, open it."

Kuwabara cautiously pulled off the wrapping paper and was greeted with a box containing...

"_Hearing aids?!_ Why did you get me HEARING AIDS?!"

"**BECAUSE YOU'RE DEAF AND YOU'RE ALWAYS SAYING** 'Huh?'" She paused. "Though really I should have gotten those for Eclipse..."

"Hey!"

"You're mean, Shadow," Kuwabara mumbled.

"I'm also a big fat comedian. It's a gag gift, baka," she said, smirking.

"Maaan, you're so mean," Kuwabara whined.

"You just said that a minute ago."

"Shadow," Kurama said, "where's Hiei?"

She snorted, shrugging and waving a hand to dismiss it. "Beats me. Not here."

"Not here as in... Not right _here_, which is obvious, or not here as in, not here in this house?" Yusuke asked.

"He didn't want to take part in the gift exchange so he left first thing this morning... With his sword. Probably to brutally murder some bystanders."

"You say that like you don't care."

"I don't."

Yusuke rolled his eyes. "Merry Christmas to them, then."

"Yup!"

"LET'S GET ON WITH IT, I WANT MY PRESENTS!" Eclipse screamed.

"Yeah, and shut the door, it's cold outside," Yusuke snapped. "Why the heck are you standing there with the door open? It's snowing!"

Shadow shrugged. "I forgot to shut it." She pushed the door shut and bolted it. "There, now Hiei will have to stay out in the cold."

"If indeed he is out there, which I don't think he is," Kurama corrected.

"What makes you say that?"

"The undeniable fact that he's in the living room asleep on the couch."

"Not even asleep," came Hiei's voice. Shadow flew into the living room and went tumbling over the back of the couch without hesitation, landing on Hiei.

"What are you still doing here?!"

"Get off me! I live here!" he snapped, trying to sit up and failing miserably.

"Really?" Shadow blinked, looking surprised. "That's pretty cool." She got up and walked to her chair. "Everybody sit down, we shall have the gift exchange!"

Kurama blinked. "So we're just giving you our gifts and you're giving us our gifts then we can go home?"

"If you want to be an antisocial butt, yeah," Shadow said. "But you're perfectly welcome to STAY even though Christmas was yesterday and you technically can go back to being assholes and not be lectured about Christmas spirit."

"You know I spend 85 of my time here, don't you?" Kurama said, handing her a gift. "My mother worries."

"Parents are a drag," she muttered. "That's why I don't have any."

"THE TRUTH COMES OUT!" Eclipse declared. "Shadow KILLED her parents because they weren't letting her get together with her friends! She's more of a psycho murderer than Hiei! At least he didn't kill his parents!"

Hiei snorted and rolled over on the couch, neither agreeing nor disagreeing.

"What? Did I say something wrong?" Eclipse asked.

"Not like you care if you did," Shadow muttered, tearing at the wrapping paper on Kurama's gift. She stared at a very delicate-looking jewelry box. "Wow. How... fancy."

"Open it. You'll probably be more enthused by its contents."

Shadow blinked and opened it. Her face lit up. "Awesome!"

"I figured you'd like the whole contrast thing," Kurama said, smiling at her reaction.

"Contrast? What's in there?" Eclipse asked, scurrying over. Shadow slammed the box and hissed at the other girl.

"MINE!"

"I don't want it! I just want to know what it is."

Shadow cracked the box and peered inside with one eye, then looked up at Eclipse, then back in the box. "Hmm..."

"What is it?" Hiei asked. Shadow got up and danced over to him.

"Oh, fine! Show him but not me!" Eclipse complained. Shadow sat next to Hiei on the couch and opened the box.

"Jewelry," she replied, grinning. Hiei looked at it.

"_That?_"

She nodded. "Very, erm... I don't know the word. Evil? Hardcore? Demonic? I think awesome fits."

"What _is it?_" Eclipse snapped.

Shadow pulled out two bracelets that looked like shackles with broken chains. She held them up for show, then snapped them on her wrists. Kuwabara's eye twitched.

"Where the heck did you get that stuff, Kurama? I know I've never seen anything like that in a jewelry store," he asked as Shadow held up a leather collar that had a big buckle and a heavy chain attached to it. A grin spread across the girl's face and she quickly put that 'jewelry' on too.

"A friend," Kurama muttered vaguely. He pulled out another gift. "And Hiei, for you."

Hiei looked distinctly surprised that he was getting anything, even from the fox. He took it and tore away the wrapping paper with less excitement than wariness.

"It's not going to _bite_ you, Hiei," Yusuke said, amused.

Behind the wrapping paper was a box. Hiei opened this and found it was stuffed full of tissue paper.

"For Gods sakes, fox, what the hell did you need so much stuff for?" he snapped, throwing a wadded up ball of the paper at his friend. "You made me go through all this crap for..." He finally reached the real contents of the box and pulled it out. "For a sword care kit."

"Like it?"

"Hn," the fire demon said absently, opening the box and looking through the various items inside. "You know I went without something like this for my entire life and my swords fared just fine."

Kurama shrugged. "Well then now they'll fare a bit better. There's also this."

Hiei shoved the box his sword care kit had been in over Shadow's head as Kurama pulled something much smaller and less carefully wrapped out of his pocket. Ignoring the girl's muffled shouts and the waving of her arms, Hiei took the second gift from Kurama and pulled away the paper.

"A padlock, fox?"

Kurama's eyes lingered on Shadow as she pulled the box off her head with a triumphant yip. "I thought you could find a use for it..."

Hiei followed his eyes and a smirk played on his lips. "Yes, I'm sure."

Shadow starting singing and waving her arms. With a burst of speed, Hiei gathered the ends of her shackle bracelets and locked them to the chain on her collar. She tugged at it with a shriek.

"You! You planned all this, didn't you fox!" she yelled. She thrashed her arms all around wildly and only succeeded in tipping herself over and falling against Hiei.

Everyone was laughing at her. Kurama pulled the keys out of his pocket and dangled them in front of her face. She made pathetic snatches at them and he tossed them to Hiei.

"She's at your mercy."

The girl turned pleading eyes on Hiei. He looked at her thoughtfully for a moment before he stuck the keys in his pocket.

"Later."

"But Hiei...!"

"Be quiet."

"Okay, I have something for you all," Eclipse said.

"I'M NOT GIVING YOU YOUR PRESENT, FOX!" Shadow shouted angrily.

"Hey, I didn't lock you up, and I'm not the one keeping you locked up. I just gave you the jewelry. You said you wanted something like that, anyways!"

Shadow sulked. "You suck."

Eclipse was handing out her gifts to everyone. Reaching Shadow, she set the wrapped box on the girl's head, cooing "Be still... stilll... sttiiiilllll..." like you would to a dog when you balance something on its nose. "Now, Go!"

Shadow bobbed her head up and the box went up into the air. She caught it and began the painstaking ordeal of removing all the tape from the gift without ruining the paper.

"Oh, yeah, Hiei, for you," Eclipse said, handing her last gift to the fire demon.

"What the hell did you people get me stuff for?!" Hiei asked, but he tore off the paper. "What the...?"

"Aroma therapy incense," Kurama read, grinning at Hiei. Yusuke snorted.

"Aroma therapy. Heh heh..."

"It's supposed to help you relax," Eclipse told him in a mock-soothing voice. "They're supposed to smell like..." She looked at it. "Mountain Springs. Very relaxing."

Hiei snorted. "Just what I always wanted." He tossed it on the coffee table.

Shadow, meanwhile, was getting frustrated. "ECLIPSE! Why did you put twenty layers of wrapping paper on my present?"

"It's actually twenty seven. I went around and gathered all the wrapping paper in my house and put a layer of each type on your gift."

Shadow snarled.

"Why don't you just rip it?" Yusuke asked. "That's what you're supposed to do, you fool. Thanks, by the way, Eclipse." He held up a couple manga.

"Sure."

"I don't get it," Kuwabara muttered, looking at his gift.

"It's a pillow," Eclipse informed him.

"I know, but why did you get me a pillow?!"

"I figured you could use it."

"Why?"

Eclipse smirked. "I heard you like pillows."

Shadow also had a devilish grin as she pulled the tape off a colorful birthday wrapping paper, and she was very carefully avoiding Kuwabara's eyes. He pouted and looked at Yusuke and Kurama. They also had smirks on their faces.

Why is it Kuwabara is the only one who doesn't remember making out with a pillow when he's the one who did it? (A/N: Ref to another fic, if you didn't know...)

"Guys...!" the human whined.

"Eclipse," Shadow said, taking off an extremely bright, shiny, silver wrapping paper and finally reaching her gift, "what the hell did you get me?"

The brown-haired girl danced over. She pointed to each object and named it. "Strawberries & cream shampoo and conditioner. You can smell like fruit, since you're a bit fruity. Mandarin Orange shower gel, so you can smell even more fruity. Sweet Pea lotion and body spray so you can smell sweet and girly." She smirked. "All in all, use some of each and poor Kurama's nose will have an overload and maybe his brain will short circuit. There's also some strange exotic perfume and some incense there that're supposed to give off a romantic scent. Maybe you can put that to good use."

Shadow and Hiei both narrowed their eyes at that.

"There is no romance in my life," Shadow said. "I don't believe in love."

"That's shit and you know it," Yusuke muttered.

"Mainly, I just got you all that stuff to torment you," Eclipse said cheerfully. Shadow glared.

"You're mean."

Hiei was taking each bottle and opening the lid, sniffing at it timidly. "Yech. Why did you get all this smelly stuff, Eclipse?"

"Everybody likes to smell nice!" the girl replied jovially. She grabbed the perfume bottle and sprayed it on Hiei. He gagged.

"Baka!" He got up, coughing slightly. "Stupid girl."

"Where are you going?" Kurama asked.

"No where." He went to the closet, pulled off his defiled shirt, and grabbed a jacket, putting that on rather than walking around shirtless for the rest of the day. "Now if you spray that crap on me again I'll beat you to death." He held up his shirt as a threat.

"Oooh, scary..."

"So what'd she get you, Kurama?" Yusuke asked, trying to ignore the fire demon as he wrapped his shirt around Eclipse's neck and attempted to strangle her.

"A book."

"Wow, a book."

"Yeah. I told her to."

"She actually bothered to ask you what you wanted?"

Kurama nodded. "In school."

"Ah."

"Everybody be quiet!" Shadow shouted suddenly. They froze. "Here's the plan for the rest of this. Hiei is going to remove this damned lock. We are going to give each other our gifts and be very generous and kind about it. Okay?"

Hiei unwrapped his shirt from Eclipse and let her head hit the floor with a dull thud.

"Yes ma'am," they all said finally. Hiei sighed and tossed her the keys.

"That's your Christmas present. I don't leave you like that."

"But... That's not much of a gift. You're the one who got me like this in the first place..."

"Shut up."

Shadow handed out all her presents, Kurama handed out the remainder of his, Kuwabara and Yusuke distributed theirs, and Hiei sat on the couch with a startled look on his face as he received three more gifts.

"Ready set go!" Shadow said, grabbing hers with excitement and nearly tearing it to shreds before suddenly halting and grabbing the first piece of tape she saw, slowly and with no insane ravenous-ness. Hiei sighed.

"Open the stupid gifts _right_, Shadow."

"I am. I musn't harm the paper spirits."

Hiei rolled his eyes and went after his own gifts. Yusuke grinned at his stack of unwrapped presents. Kuwabara had gotten him some pervert pornographic manga, which he'd gone for first, of course. Kurama's present had been a hardback book on Buddhist meditation with a note tacked on the front: "If you don't care to read it (though I think you would benefit, especially perhaps from the chapter on purifying the mind), you could always just use it to hit people." Yusuke had stared at the book, then at the porno manga, then at Kurama, and laughed a bit as the fox eyed the two as well and sighed. Shadow had gotten him two bottles of super-duper strength hair gel, guaranteed to last for at least fifteen hours. He'd looked at it and remarked, "I wonder if the guarantee is still valid when you're being pummeled by demons for a while during those hours."

In addition to the pillow, Kuwabara had gotten a whole crapload of little cat figurines and a shirt that said "Real men love kittens" from Shadow (Ever seen the shirt that says "Real men love unicorns"? Lol), a CD from Kurama, and various random things (and manga) from Yusuke.

"Shadow, please explain to me why you bought me a book on quantum physics," Kurama said. "I can understand the botany things and the chocolate, but _quantum physics?_"

"I found it in my closet. I read the entire thing and wrote down anything I figured would help me take over the world, so now I pass it on to you." She grinned. Kurama just shook his head and looked at what Yusuke and Kuwabara had gotten him.

"I don't understand you people," he murmured. Yusuke looked up from his manga.

"What? Indulge yourself in the finer things in life, fox boy!"

"I avoid pornography for a reason, you know," he said, looking at the manga Yusuke had gotten him, and the note stuck to it that said in bold lettering, "INDULGE YOURSELF!"

"Because you believe in abstinence?" Eclipse asked. "Because you're a gentleman? Because--"

"Because of Youko," the boy said dryly. Hiei let out a bark of laughter.

"Stupid fox."

Kuwabara's gift to Kurama had been a bit more respectable. About twenty seed packets for various flowers.

"At least Kuwabara doesn't try to shove it down my throat," the boy muttered. Yusuke looked up, a bit alarmed. Kurama was confused until he realized his wording.

"Pervert!" Shadow snapped, flinging a bottle of sweet pea body spray at the half-demon boy. "Nobody's shoving anything down anyone's throat! Not in my house!"

Eclipse was sitting there eating a lollipop. Shadow had gotten her a very large bag of candy. Kurama, Yusuke, and Kuwabara had also gotten her a crapload of candy. She'd requested it rather forcefully when they'd asked. "GIVE ME CANDY OR DIE!" were her exact words...

Shadow, on the other hand, had a folded shirt sitting on her head, her feet on the coffee table by her various scented things, the effects from Kurama in their proper places, and was working on opening Kuwabara's gift. She could tell it was chocolate, but she wanted to have her fun with the removing of the tape and the paper oh-so-tenderly as she was. The shirt Yusuke had gotten her had words printed across it: "Just be glad I'm not your child."

And Hiei was long since finished, had failed to thank anyone, and was curled up asleep at the end of the couch. His gifts were stacked on the coffee table: the kit from Kurama, the incense from Eclipse, a complete biker punk outfit from Yusuke and Kuwabara (which they'd collaborated on buying him, as it had to have cost a lot of money, what with the leather pants, coat, gloves, and knee-high buckle boots. Hiei was fairly sure they'd gotten it with more intention for other people, such as Shadow and fangirls, to enjoy, rather than him, since he actually wasn't into tight leather and had no reason to ever wear a punk biker outfit with skanky leather pants), and a bonsai tree with a proper care book from Shadow. He wasn't entirely sure _why_ Shadow had gotten him a bonsai tree, and he was fairly sure she knew it would be dead within a week, but it didn't matter. She'd had no reason to get him _anything_.

"Well, that was fun," Shadow said, finally finishing with the opening of tape-happy-Kuwabara's chocolates. "Thank you, everybody, for your most considerate gifts. Except Kuwabara here's trying to get me to gain about ten pounds on a chocolate diet, but hey, I've been on a cookie diet since the second week of December. I'll just work it off next year."

Kuwabara grinned. Everybody was fascinated with their various gifts for a bit, and the room was silent except for candy wrappers, turning pages, and Hiei's deep breathing of sleep. Then Shadow paused and looked at Hiei's gifts, then at Hiei, then at her various fragrant things. She shrugged, leaned over and gently kissed Hiei's cheek to wake him. Kurama was the only one to notice and said nothing.

"What the hell do you want, woman?" Hiei snarled.

"Merry freakin' day-after-Christmas to you, too, you ingrateful bastard," she said. Hiei looked a bit startled, but she continued in a less hostile voice. "What do you want for dinner?"

"You woke me up to ask me that?!"

"Yes I did and if you don't answer I'll be pissed. I bought you a _tree_ for Christmas. Do you think I honestly feel like I did anything nice for you?"

"You don't need to do anything nice for me. I never did anything nice for you. We're even."

"That's bull. Now what do you want?"

Hiei moved his mouth wordlessly. "I don't care."

Shadow narrowed her eyes. "So you're saying that you'll eat whatever the hell I decide to fix?"

The fire demon shook his head. "No. Only if it's typically edible."

"Damn. So if I put a plate full of dirt in front of you..."

"I won't eat it."

"Want ramen?"

Yusuke snorted. "What the hell kind of feast is that?"

"I never said I was fixing a feast now did I? I'm just fixing Hiei whatever he wants because I'm freakin' nice and he deserves it. Who's ever nice to Hiei? Poor Hiei, just because he thinks he's too _good_ for common courtesy, never gets anything nice because people think he's too full of himself and wouldn't _appreciate_ it. But Hiei, being Hiei, is just hiding it and he _would_ appreciate it and he _does_ have feelings and I _will_ be nice to him." She spun on Hiei. "Now what the hell do you want?!"

"Nobody's ever that nice to me..." Kuwabara muttered. "I have to eat whatever's on the table."

"I have to find something to _put_ on the table, then I have to share it with my drunken mother," Yusuke said.

"I order pizza half the time. My parents can't cook," Eclipse added. All three looked at Kurama for input. He shrugged.

"I guess I'm lucky. My mother can cook and she lets me have input." He went back to his book.

"Stupid fox," Yusuke snapped. Shadow had dragged Hiei off to the kitchen for him to go through all the cabinets and pick something for her to fix if he suddenly got some craving.

"I like candy," Eclipse said randomly. She ate some more chocolate. Silence stretched on for a while, Yusuke returned to his porno manga, Kuwabara returned to his whatever-the-hell-he'd-been-doing-earlier, and Shadow and Hiei went about their own dinnerly activities...

And so... I believe this story comes to THE MOST suckiest end of any story in the history of the world. But look at it this way: At least it finally HAS a frikkin' end...

* * *

The thing Eclipse said about Hiei not killing his parents, I had that reaction in there cuz I'm not so sure he didn't. I think I read someplace that he killed his mother...  
Phew! This story is over. I can't feel guilty about having an unfinished fic anymore. No, I can just feel bad that it sucked major ass... BUT **AT LEAST IT'S FINISHED, GODDAMMIT**, AND IF I GET ONE FUCKIN' COMPLAINT ABOUT IT, I'M BEATING THE SHIT OUT OF WHOEVER THE HELL SAYS IT! BECAUSE I AM GODDAMNED TIRED OF HEARING ABOUT THIS STORY, I WANTED IT TO DIE BECAUSE IT BETRAYED ME AND WOULD NOT LET ME COMPLETE IT, AND PEOPLE WOULD NOT SHUT UP AND I WAS ON A FRIKKIN' GUILT TRIP AND HAD TO WRITE SOMETHING, _ANYTHING_, TO ADD TO IT, AND I DID, SO SHUT UP! I'M NOT KIDDING! **YOU COMPLAIN, YOU DIE. IT'S DONE. I'M NOT CHANGING THAT. I DON'T CARE IF IT SUCKED COMPARED TO THE REST! I DON'T CARE, _I DON'T CARE_, _I DON'T CARE!!!_ IF YOU WANNA COMPLAIN, TALK TO THE GOLDFISH! THEY CAN'T CHARGE A GOLDFISH WITH MURDER! AND THEY PROBABLY CARE MORE THAN I DO! ::fumes::**

**Sorry.**


End file.
